My Happy Place

Tonight was AMAZING!!!!!!
This song has been running through my mind all day long and I've decided it's my happy song for the evening.
The event I was able to participate in allowed amateurs, like me, to sit in on a rehearsal and concert with members of the Utah Symphony. I got to sit next to Darren Bradford. Darren Bradford is one of the best clarinetists in the state and possibly the country. He is currently the principal clarinetist of the Orchestra at Temple Square and is a sub for the Utah Symphony.
This Pro-Am event wasn't quite what I expected, but it was so worth the time and money. There is NOTHING like the feeling of playing with an orchestra like that. We were not dressed formally (most of us were in jeans). The audience was small (not open to the public). It was short, but ever so sweet.
We played the Finale of Beethoven's 5th Symphony. That piece is pretty much amazing. Anyways. I'm EXHAUSTED and can't think much more. (If I continue to type I might start throwing in random medical terms because that's all my brain has thought of all day long.)

Conclusion:
Beethoven= Great
Finale of 5th Symphony= Cherry on top
Performing at Abravenal Hall=Add sprinkles and whipped cream
Getting to taste the old, happier me (talking clarinet stuff with people 'in the know', enjoying playing, etc)=
PRICELESS
:-D

Thank You Beethoven!

Why is it that Beethoven's music always seems to be the music that my soul needs?

This coming week I get the opportunity to play in a workshop/concert with the Utah Symphony at Abravenal Hall in Salt Lake City. I'm not sure what the entire event will entail since I have not yet received my info packet. But, I do know for a fact that we are playing the 4th movement of Beethoven's famous 5th Symphony. Everyone  knows the 1st movement. I doubt many people are nearly as familiar with the remaining movements, unless they are a huge fan of Beethoven and listen to his music on a daily basis...ok, maybe they don't have to be that obsessed with his music, but they would have to be familiar with his not-so-familiar works to know this piece. 

I decided it was wise to start practicing my music. Thankfully I have a recording of the entire symphony, so I was able to play along. After playing I realized I was in a different world. When I play my clarinet and get to play music like this I get transported to another dimension. It's as if I'm in a dream sequence in a movie. I stop playing and the rest of the world returns to focus. 

About a year ago (almost to the date) I played in a concert with the Weber State Wind Ensemble in Chicago. After that concert I had so much anxiety towards my instrument that I seriously considered selling it. I have heard so many times the regrets of others that have gone through with those desires to rid themselves of their instruments. So, going against every anxious nerve in my body, I decided to not sell it. 

I am a member of what is called "Chamber Orchestra Ogden." It is a chamber orchestra that was started recently by the orchestra conductor at Weber State, Michael Palumbo. I was able to play for him every semester I was at Weber State. I learned more from those hours of orchestra rehearsals than I did from any other music class I attended throughout my collegiate career. When I found out he was starting this chamber orchestra I had to grab at the opportunity to continue playing for him. I chose to join this group long before I developed the anxiety towards my instrument. 

I almost quit. 

Almost.

Maybe it was inspiration, maybe it was just plain dumb stubbornness. All I know is I didn't quit. I'm not sure why,honestly. I know I was afraid of giving up such a great opportunity. But, holding out on something due to fear is never the right thing to do. I really don't know what kept me from quitting.

After our last concert a couple of months ago, we, members of the COO, received an email from Dr. Palumbo that he had received from a member of the staff at the Utah Symphony. They are starting a new thing that they call Pro-Am (Professional-Amateur). Since I'm still unsure as to what it is all about exactly I won't be able to give much more insight into it.

When I received this email I decided to go for it. I figured, who knows what doors it might open? When I applied for it I was still experiencing an adequate amount of anxiety towards playing, but once again chose to act against my feelings. I later was informed that I was not chosen. I wasn't surprised. But, I had had a feeling that this was going to happen, so I didn't get too upset. A couple of weeks later I was informed that someone did not accept their offer and that I was now being offered this amazing opportunity. 

So, as I sat and listened to the 4th movement to know what I was supposed to play, nothing special happened. Then I played along with the music.

 

After my lips about gave out (due to not playing much over the past couple of months), I decided to listen to the entire 5th Symphony. 

I have been experiencing severe anxiety attacks this past week. And when I say severe, I mean it. As the music is still playing while I type this, I can tell my soul is at peace for the first time since before the attacks started. 

I don't know what it is about Beethoven's music, but almost every time I listen to something by him something touches the raw nerves in my soul and calms them down. I'm so excited for this opportunity. I'm nervous that I won't have any good reeds to play on (still trying to break in some new ones since the last ones I had were probably ones I had played on while in Chicago or possibly previous to that. I'm also nervous that my lips will give out since I don't have the endurance built up anymore. I could practice for 4 hours straight at one point in my life. Today I think I made it 15 minutes. I won't lie. I miss it. I miss everything about being a music major. I'm so glad I get this opportunity to perform again. 

Next week the COO will perform the entire 6th Symphony. 

Could it get any better than this? (ok...2 things could be better, but I'll deal with it...the first is that I'm playing 2nd part-I'd prefer to play 1st...and I wish we were playing the 7th Symphony as well...that's my favorite!)