Banana Splits

So, I want to announce to the entire world that today, I, Heather Marie Carlson, had my first ever official banana split.
Shocking? Yes.
As a child I never liked many fruits. Most fruits like oranges and strawberries have always been tart enough that I gag on them. Things like bananas have been difficult for me to like...I'm not sure why...probably the texture. Anyways. So, my point is this...
I remember a day when I liked canned peaches and banana yogurt....but apples are all I have ever been able to stomach for most of my life. I love fruit juice, but not the actual fruit. I blame the sugar on this. Well...I have been trying to get myself to like fruits and I think I hit a milestone tonight. I like mandarin oranges (still hard to swallow without gagging a little), red/purple grapes, melons, and now peaches and bananas.
I got to go to Logan tonight to visit a friend I haven't seen in years. We went to a delicious pizza place called Firehouse, then we went to see The Time Traveler's Wife, and finally we decided on Angie's. We thought about cleaning the sink there, but realized we needed reinforcements to do such a task, so we just got a regular banana split. I had an entire half of a banana. It was yummy. Maybe someday I'll be able to eat a whole banana raw. For now, I still need something to cover up the texture, but I ate it and enjoyed it.
Strawberries are in a similar situation. I had some chocolate covered ones at that dance I went to with Jake. I only ate them so I wouldn't look stupid in front of him. It was hard to swallow, but the chocolate helped. But, a few weeks ago while I was still working at Chick-fil-A I got a fruit cup. I ate everything in it. A year ago I would've never thought about even buying it. Now, I think I would not have a problem getting one. It had apples, mandarin oranges, strawberries and grapes. Yay...I'm slowly becoming a normal person!!!!


In other thoughts and ponderings...I still like someone that I've liked since last year...and it's killing me that he sort of talks to me and nothing else. Also, I don't know how to react. I'm still mad that he didn't respond to any of my messages during the summer. It really bothers me. But, apparently he's playing the ignorant one on that part. When I saw him in choralaires, he complimented me on my new hair cut (of course, I've had it like this for awhile now) and this week he said something about my piano playing. He hugs everyone he sees pretty much, but not me. He barely talks to me. I don't want to talk to him (because I go weak inside and can't help but feel giddy...even if he just smiles at me...grr...I wish he didn't have that power over me). I thought I had moved on. I thought I had it figured out. It's obvious he's not interested in me. Why can't I get over him? Ahhh!!!! Men...
(oh how I still like him!)

Anyways...I gotta go to bed. It's late. Oh....that banana split was amazing!!! But, I'm going to pay for it tomorrow I fear. Oh well. It was so worth it!

Hmf.....

I was going to write a larger blog...it's be awhile...but I have decided against it. I really don't have much to write about...but I thought I would at least put this out there.
The past couple of weeks have been pretty crazy in a way I never thought possible. Instead of no idea of what to do with my life, I now have 2, maybe 3, or even more possible paths. And with at least one possible path, I have once again been able to witness the sense of humor that our Heavenly Father has. It's almost ridiculous how funny he is. :) If you pray for something...you might just get it...and then you might realize that you need to be more specific....and that will be answered...and then...you find out that you still need to be specific...because he will take you literally. Anyways...I guess that's all for now. Life is great. Even as crazy as it is...and will probably get...it feels good to laugh about it all :)

Changes Will Come and Go

Wow...can I just say...I am loving life right now? It has been the hardest, but most wonderful year of my life so far. I had a friend pass away, I got to play a concert in Carnegie Hall (in which I was 1st chair clarinet), I failed yet again in some classes, I went on the most amazing date, I changed my major, my tendonitis got so bad I think it's carpal tunnel syndrome (I could barely move my hand!) I lost 30 pounds (give or take a few), oh man...I had a whole list lined up and forgot most of it. Oh well. It's only June and I just love it. My dreams are coming true finally.
Last week I moved into Harrison Heights right across the street from WSU campus. My roommate is like my long lost sister. She and her friend were doing P90X and now I'm doing it with them (something I've thought about doing for awhile now). Her friend is amazing. I'm trying to avoid developing a crush on him. I just won't go down that road again. He took us out to play disc golf last week and it was so much fun! Anyways...it's late and I really need to be in bed. I wish I could explain how happy I am right now. It really does take getting to your lowest point to really understand what true happiness is. And I'm sure I haven't even hit the tip of the iceberg yet. Which, in some respects is super exciting, but on the opposite spectrum, it's out right scary. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new ward. People talk to me in there! AND! I don't have to play the organ (at least...I don't think I do...eek!) Although, I actually did enjoy playing. This week includes a job interview, finding out if I got another job, starting out as a section leader in the Chorale (I've done band....but not choir...I'm kind of nervous), I'm doing summer folk dance...and...well...I can't explain it...I want to do more! Ah...I'm tired. I need sleep. Here's to a great summer. I need to figure out when I can go running still...hmmm....Anyways...until next time.

Boredom= actually writing a new blog...ha ha

Wow...it's been a while. I guess I got a little busy with going to New York, fighting off the thought of liking someone, and trying to graduate.
The trip to New York was amazing. I got to play a concert in Carnegie Hall with the WSU Wind Ensemble. I was proud of how well we did. It wasn't amazing beyond description, but it definitely put Weber on a different level (I think). The highlights of the trip for me (although the concert was great...getting to play some solos was definitely cool) include seeing Wicked, walking through Central Park, and meeting the man that's responsible for me still being in band. Wicked was indescribable. I want to go back and see it again. I loved it. I can't stop listening to the music. Even when it's not playing, I'll wake up with pieces from it stuck in my head. Some of the songs ring so true to how I've been feeling lately. It's AMAZING. :) Walking through Central Park was great. I wish I could've had all day to spend in there...later in the spring (or even summer) when things are greener. Honestly, when I was there, I didn't really enjoy the city for the majority of the time we were there. But, once Julie and I went out to explore the area on our own, I developed a small attachment to it. I want to go back and really experience it, not as a tourist, but as a resident or something like that (maybe a nanny job...hmm) Anyways...when our bigger group took a walk through the park, it saved me. New York City really is a BIG city. That park was such an escape from the noise and flow of the city.
And...finally, the best thing was meeting the composer Johann de Meij. He wrote a symphony based on the Lord of the Rings books long before there was a movie. When I was in high school, I got to play at the University of Utah honor band concert. The first movement of that symphony was a selection for our concert. After the concert I went out and purchased a copy of the symphony. I blame that piece for instilling in me the desire to play more music like that. I still love the entire symphony to this day. I would love to conduct it someday, but I don't think that will happen (now that I've changed my major...but we'll see...I can always get my mater's degree in conducting...hmm). Johann de Meij ended up coming to hear our concert (he had some connections with one of our soloists). I saw him standing outside Carnegie Hall after our concert. It took more guts than I can describe to muster enough courage to go meet him. But, it was so worth it. He was extremely nice. He didn't have the persona of being snobby or full of himself. It was truly an amazing night. :)
So, the trip was great. I have a new level of hatred towards flying...but know that I can handle it. The flight to NY was pretty much the worst flight I've ever been on. I took 2 benadryl to put me to sleep...it didn't work. I was dizzy, groggy and tired the entire flight...it was bumpy...VERY bumpy (I thought we were going to fall out of the sky...seriously)...and I was stuck between the 2 biggest guys in the band (and I'm no toothpick either). I remember grabbing the tray at one point and praying the hardest I think I've ever prayed in my life...it got that scary for me. I was sore for the next few hours from holding on to the tray so tightly. And, the few minutes of sleep I did get ended up being the start of my having no voice for the following 2 weeks. My throat got so dry whenever I started to sleep that sometimes I wonder if that wasn't what kept me awake. Yeah...I don't enjoy flying...anyways...

In other news, I sort of graduated too....hmm...
Everyone keeps asking me how I 'sort of' graduate. Easy...you pay the money, get your name in the program, walk, get the diploma cover, take pictures, get your grades, scream a little and retake a couple of classes during the summer because a C- just isn't enough. Yeah...it sucks. Oh well...

Cool story...last summer I was trying on pants...almost had to buy a size 18. Today I tried on a pair of shorts...size 12. They fit like a glove (not a tight one though). I've lost about 30 pounds since last year. It's amazing! I hope I can keep losing more. It's a crazy idea...but I'd love to be a size 8...hmm...just for once. :)

So...last but not least (although...it's getting there)...
I'm not sure how much to write right now. I doubt this person will see this, but you never know. I keep forgetting that people read this...and people I know and don't know see this without me knowing who sees it....wow...that was quite a weird way of wording it.
Anywho...I want to update any curious mind as to what happened (or didn't happen) with that wonderful guy in the pictures from my previous post.
As much as I liked him, and truly had the best date I've ever been on, I guess he wasn't interested in doing anything with me past that dance. I've made attempts at another date and failed. He's still a great person and I would never turn down an opportunity to spend time with him. But, as I see it, he's not interested (why else would someone as nice as him ignore my texts and email?) and I'm left feeling fairly confused about a few things, trying to get over it all. It's probably good that I don't know him as well as I've known my other crushes. It took them getting married for me to get over them. Ha ha...I'm pathetic sometimes :)
Anywho. It was a great experience. I can't imagine anything better. I couldn't ask for anything more. But, somehow I have this feeling that there has to be, or else I'm in serious trouble.

Anywho...I should stop. It's summer and I can't wait. My goals this summer are to:
-run a 5K (maybe even a 10K if I can train for it...I ran over 4 miles a couple weeks ago and probably could've kept going if I hand't been moving all day...and if it wasn't 10 at night)
-go to Lagoon and ride the Colossus...never ridden it...I'm scared of rides like that
-go hiking a few times
-maybe drive to the beach...if I can afford it
-maybe fly out to NY again...ha ha (not likely, but a trip to NY & DC would be sweet)
-go on dates (yes...dates)
-pass spanish and lit classes once and for all
-apply to massage therapy school, meteorology at the U, and/or graduate music programs...not sure about that one yet
-HAVE FUN!!! :)

GOOD NIGHT! :)

Flowers and Dancing

Oh my goodness!!!! I had the night of my life!!!!

I finally did it...I asked out someone...and I'm so glad I did!

Tonight was amazing. I went to pick up Jake and he presented me with those beautiful flowers. I have never been given flowers before. I almost cried when I saw them! Seriously!

Anyways. We went to Applebee's for dinner. Had a great time. Then we went to the dance at the institute. He's an AMAZING dancer. He was spinning me around and everything. I was literally swept off my feet. Jake is such an amazing person. I would love to go out with him again. Seriously. It's going to be hard to not let this get out of hand. I did not want to see him walk away from my car. Tonight went by way too fast. I like him. I liked him before...but now it's certain. I like him. :) Well...it's past 1am...I need to shower...and I have to get ready to leave for New York tomorrow. Ai....I can't wait to get back!

Snow Falling Gently to the Ground

It's snowing. And as I look out my bedroom window I feel a sense of overwhelming peace.
Life has been anything but peaceful lately. So it's nice to just sit here and look and watch. I forgot why I loved winter so much.
I'm a little worried...my computer is acting up right now.
Anyways.
After Tanner passed away a lot of changes have been going on in my life. I have pretty much failed at most of my goals...but I can still keep trying. But, I've been trying to get up in the mornings and read my scriptures (it hasn't happened in a couple of weeks though) instead of at night. Anyways...I have also made some other changes, but they're more personal.
So, the thing I think I learned the most from Tanner's funeral was that he lived his life to the fullest. He didn't have anything to regret...at least that I know of. So, lately as I have been making decisions, I have been able to reflect on that and make better decisions. Case in point. Next weekend is a dance at the institute. This is probably my last semester at the Ogden Institute, so I wanted to actually go to the dance as kind of a last fling kind of thing.
Somehow, I got up enough courage to ask someone to the dance (since it was girls' choice). I felt good about asking him and thought everything would be fine. Turns out he has a girlfriend...ha ha. So, I figured that adventure was done and over with. Then I went to ward prayer. My friends started bugging me about asking someone else. The person they were telling me I should ask is someone I see every day. I have actually wanted to have a chance with this young man since I saw his beautiful face. He really is (at least to me) the best looking young man I have ever met. He is such a nice guy and has been nice enough to make me smile on occaision. So, when they told me to ask him out, I finally caved. So, not only did I muster up enough guts to ask out one person, but I ended up asking out a second person. This is like a world record for me.
Anyways. He said yes and now I've been going absolutely nuts. I want nothing more than for things to go well at this dance between us. I don't know if he's looking or if he's even interested, but I'm at a point in my life where I would love nothing more than to settle down and so on. I know I need a lot of practice in the dating world....and I forgot where I was going with that thought. Anyways. I know I can't expect too much. But, I hope beyond anything that this goes well. As far as I know, he is an amazing person and I feel so honored that he would agree to going to a dance with me.
The day after the dance the Weber State Wind Ensemble flies to New York to play a concert at Carnegie Hall. We've known about this trip since this time last year. It's hard to believe that it's here. We leave in less than a week! I can't believe it. I'm not sure how I feel about it still to be honest. I've had mixed feelings since I heard about it. But, I think we'll be fine.
I'm mostly anxious for this dance. I'm so glad I have the dance to worry about to keep my mind off of how much I hate to fly.

:) I guess that's all for now.

A new tab on life

So, a couple of weeks ago, through a random course of events, I very graciously ended up with an old guitar. It is small, has some big cracks and the frets are not too great. But, it's a beautiful instrument.
I have never ever really learned how to play guitar. I have held one, but not more than 10 times in my entire life. I am a clarinet and piano player...not a guitarist. But, I have always wanted to learn the trade. Guitars are wonderful instruments, and they are portable, requiring no reeds or special hardware (most of the time at least). So, with this new guitar, I have become quite unsure as to how to react. It doesn't feel quite right, but I'm super excited. I got onto a website today and started teaching myself how to play a little bit. I can do a small chromatic scale and 4 chords already. It's wonderful. I don't know why, but something still isn't right about this situation, but I'm going to take advantage of it while I still can. It's almost as if I don't deserve this guitar.
I hope I can one day be worthy of owning a guitar.
I want to be able to sing songs with my children at a campfire with a guitar in hand (although, it would be more romantic if my husband would do the playing....if only :) )
Along with this, I feel a light shining in on my darkened life. Maybe this is the start of something great....every time I get depressed I should pick up a new instrument. I have always wanted to learn how to play all the instruments. Music makes me happy, but only being able to play a couple of instruments limits my abilities. So....hmm...maybe this is a good thing. :)

As an update to my previous blogs...
I am feeling a LOT better. I stopped taking the antibiotic (probably a bad idea, but the side effects just aren't worth it to me) and have started to take my vitamins again. I am planning on seeing a doctor as soon as possible to talk over what's been going on. But, since I don't have time in my schedule to see the doctor on campus, it's going to be an interesting experience. Having no medical insurance doesn't help either. But, that's why I'm trying to graduate this semester. I can't wait to get a job and be able to afford health care so I don't die before I'm 40. :)

Anyways...it's late and I should be sleeping. Goodnight!