Struggles

The trials of this life just seem to keep coming.
I finally worked enough hours this past pay period to pay my own rent. I can't express how happy that makes me. I feel so dependent on my family still, and with the recent events with my family, I know I need to not depend on them anymore (if they can't tell me what's going on and trust me with being a member of said family, I can't depend on them).
Problem: I finally make enough to pay my rent and suddenly I'm broke, I still need to buy important medications, pay off other bills (including a minimal payment on my delinquent student loan), and pay for the ever-increasing gas refill every so often. I got paid on the 5th...I'm already broke.

There was a certain cd I've been desiring to add to my collection for awhile now and I finally said 'screw it' and tried to buy a copy of it (even though I knew it was SOOOOO unwise to do so). I searched Walmart and Best Buy before finally finding a copy at Target. As I was wandering around I ran into some friends that I haven't seen in awhile. From reading her blog posts I know she's struggling with finances (probably in greater amounts than mine). It was so hard for me not to burst out into tears when we had the casual hello. It's so hard to be honest around someone when you know they're struggling just as much or more.
Everything's fine....except it's not.
I had a cd and a bag of chocolate in my hands that will probably cause some serious financial stress for me down the line. That was only the tip of the iceberg.
I'm kind of really sick of this.
Seriously.
My car is barely working, I am physically ill (been fighting the urge to puke all night...my stomach hasn't been quite right since I had a 24-hr bug on Monday), my shoes are falling apart and I can't afford to buy new ones, my glasses are over 3 years old and so scratched that I can barley see at night and my contacts are a trial pair from over a year ago but how can I afford an eye-doctor appointment PLUS new glasses, PLUS 2 boxes of contact lenses, anyways... I could go on. These aren't the emotional, mental and personal problems. Just the worldly problems....third-world type.

I have a roof over my head.
I may not own my own car, but my parents let me drive around one they own.
I don't pay for my cell-phone bill (thank heavens for family plans!)

I really shouldn't complain...but it's so hard not to.

The only solace I found was in taking a trip to Petsmart and spending too much time in the adoption room that had some adorable cats that I would've taken home in a heartbeat if I could've.

Sometimes I think jumping off a cliff or running away and changing my identity would be the best solution, but I know it's not.

I have to keep telling myself that it will get better.
There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Right???