Time for some Random

It's been awhile since I've written anything and to be honest, I have so much and nothing to write all at the same time, so my apologies...this will be random. You don't have to read if you don't want to. It's ok.

Let's see.

The most exciting thing that has happened this week is my wallet got stolen.
I had my wallet in my hand sometime around 5-5:30pm when I purchased the best snow cone ever (I kid you not!). When I went to put gas in my empty gas tank after class that night (sometime around 11:00pm) my wallet was gone. I honestly have no recollection whatsoever of where my wallet went after I purchased my snow cone from heaven. By the time I realized my wallet was in the possession of someone other than me or someone that would return it to me, I checked my bank account and found that someone decided to do some damage.
I found that $58.00 had been used at a Maverik gas station in downtown SL. I called my bank (a frustrating experience in and of itself...customer service hotlines for the fail) and cancelled my card. When I got off the phone I discovered that over $160 had been spent at the Walmart in SL as well. My bank account was now in the negative.
I cried. A lot.
The next day I called my bank again and made sure everything was fixed (I'm glad I called again, because the lady I had talked to the night before didn't do everything...). The perpetrator had tried to use my debit card at various ATMs, a McDonald's, a Redbox, and Best Buy online and who knows where else. The trail started in SL, went up to Bountiful and down to Sandy.
I hope they had fun, because whenever they get their karma return, it's going to suck.
I am not the vengeful type of person, but I have never wanted to hurt someone so badly before in my life...at least, not my conscious life (I've had dreams in which I've been very violent, but that's not real...ANYWAYS). My account is in the negative now...over $200. If it hadn't been for a serious miracle I would be out of gas as well. My mom had given me $15 when I went home 2 weekends ago. The money never made it to my wallet. Thank the LORD! I wouldn't've been able to make it to school last night if it hadn't been for that.
The wallet also contained my driver's license and social security card. It's going to be a LONG process of nightmares getting my identity protected and making myself legal to drive again. I also had many restaurant stamp cards that had a lot of value on them...I'm NOT happy about losing those either (it's taken a long time to get them to where they were!)
So, I am struggling right now with a quarter tank of gas that has to last until my money is credited back, or until payday on Friday...I usually go through half a tank in a week.
And, I'm getting all tense writing about this so I'll stop on that topic.
Life really is like a box of chocolates...

Another thing I can write about is school.
School is going for those of you that want to know.
I've finished my 2nd term. 2 down, 3 to go. I'm almost halfway done!
Massage school is NOTHING like I expected.
The more I get into it, the more I wonder what the heck I'm doing.
Part of me loves it and can't wait to graduate and start working.
The rest of me is ready to start applying to other schools.
I started training to become a medical assistant. I want to finish that.
And, here's the big one...
The more and more I think about it, the more I want to go back to a real university and finish that education degree I started almost 10 years ago (only short by a few months...wow...it has really been that long!).
Slight tangent...
I want to teach music still.
Music is in my very core and I am denying who I am by not using, sharing and teaching it.
I think that's the biggest reason I'm struggling with the massage school idea still. It's all good and noble and stuff, but it's not who I am.
The other night I listened to a cd recording of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
When I was younger I would always tease about that choir, but part of me always wanted to be in it.
I'm not a great singer, but there is something in the power of a choir that gives me chills.
When I delivered pizzas up to Weber High School, sometimes I would hear the choir rehearsing in the commons area. I loved it. It always made my day a little better.
What I'm getting at in a round about way is that I want to see if I can pursue becoming a choir director and get my life in order so I can audition to the Mo-Tab Choir. I always thought I wanted to be in the orchestra, but there's something about the choir that tugs at my heart.

Ok, tangent over.
I've learned Swedish Massage, Acupressure, Reflexology and now I'm starting to learn Russian Sports Massage. Up until now I've really only ever experienced Swedish and Deep Tissue massage. Last night in class we did our first hands on of Russian. I got to be a demo body. It was awesome. It was a little awkward getting touched on my bare back and thigh by my instructor I'll admit, but his hands were so steady and soft...wow that almost sounds awkward. Anyways. Experiencing another type of massage by a trained professional was pretty awesome. I really think I'm going to like it. I hope I can be as good as Kory (the instructor)...if I can help someone feel as relaxed as I felt that night (this was last night...not even 24 hours after my wallet nightmare started), it will be worth it.
Oh, and somehow I've still managed to maintain a 4.0. I don't know if that means that I've gotten better at being a student, or if that reflects on the less...whatever-ness of UCMT compared to WSU. Who knows. 

I always thought I would just finish my schooling in December and find a job in Missouri right away.
But, now I'm not sure.
I want to apply to the education program at the U and start taking vocal lessons so I can actually make it into the school. I love playing my clarinet, but I feel anxiety still when I think about playing it. I got to sing in the Ogden LDS Institute choirs for so many years and even the WSU concert choir. I loved it. I really do love singing. I just don't know if my voice is up to par.

Another thing I think I should write about is my past post on my weight situation and my goal to overcoming my depression without medication.
My emotions have been completely out of control as of late. It turns out my brother has now been diagnosed with Bipolar disease. I've always wondered if I have it and his diagnosis just adds another nail to my coffin (so to speak). I stopped going to the gym during finals week and I'm paying for it. I don't feel as happy, and I'm gaining weight again. I was steady at 240 for almost a month. That's a BIG deal. Well, I just checked. It's only been about a week since I last weighed myself and I have gained 10 pounds. I'm really concerned about how quickly I'm gaining weight. I'm gaining more weight and I'm the most negative person I've ever been.
So...
Goals: Go back to the gym. Stop drinking soda at work.

And yet another thing I could talk about is church.
I have not been happy with religion lately. In fact, I've been rather angry with it.
The week before I went to visit my parents (and sort through and pack my stuff there) there was a discussion in Relief Society that almost had me walking out of the building. The topic of dating standards came up and I was sickened by most of the comments. Everyone talked of their 'list' that they have. I have lived a rather lonely life in terms of dating and have learned not to be too selective. I learned a little too late honestly. I've said it before, but my biggest regret is Danny...and Spencer. I had 2 perfectly good men at different points in my life and I threw them away because they didn't completely make my 'list.' I'm done with that list. If I'm lucky enough to get asked out again, unless he's a total creep, I won't deny the possibility. No one is perfect. I have my sins just as everyone does. Who am I to deny potential suitors because they have some imperfections? The comment that bothered me the most was that of the RS president. She made it clear that she won't date anyone unless they do their home teaching.
Seriously???
(funny enough...she got released that day...)
I also struggle with being alone in my ward. I've made a couple of friends, but no close friends and I really don't know if there's potential for there to be any close friendships due to the fact that I can't ever go to church activities and I'm stuck at the organ now during Sacrament meeting.
I've been feeling very hateful about the whole situation. There are good people in there and I'm grateful I have ANY friends at all, but it's not like I had up in Ogden. I miss Ogden. ....I miss Jake...(oi)....
But, the other day I came to a realization that church isn't about socializing (LIGHTBULB!) and it isn't about trying to get a date. I struggle with my faith immensely still and that's what I need to focus on. Church is for worship. The end. Tomorrow I need to figure out how to focus on that. Somehow, I forgot that fact and I need to remember it better.

Anyways.

That's a little bit of my life right now. It's June.
Time to get some sun!