Reality

Today I got a text from my mom about my dad. 

Despite the insurance companies turning down the care my dad needs, my mom was able to find hospice care for my dad.  My mom made it known that they now have a hospital bed set up in the living room and he will be receiving care visits 3 times a week now. 

Is this real?!

My dad's health has been failing over the past few years for sure. For those that don't know, he has epilepsy and cerebral palsy. Last summer he suffered from a stroke in his brain stem. He experienced yet another brain stem stroke earlier this year, and has probably been experiencing mini strokes often. I have not visited my father due to various reasons (time being one, being unable to deal with this situation is another...and not having a great relationship with my dad is yet another). But, from what my mom says, it's only a matter of time. Hospice care is kind of the end of the line. 

I don't know how to deal with this. At all. 

I can't believe this is happening to him and to my family. 

I always thought both of my parents would be there for me if I ever got married. I doubt my dad will ever get to hold a grandchild. My 88 year old grandfather will probably outlive his own son. Had my grandmother not succumbed to Alzheimer's she would probably have outlived him as well. She survived colon cancer for crying out loud. 

Anyways. I'm at a loss for what to think, feel, or do now. 

After his first stroke, we as a family realized his time was probably coming soon. When the second stroke hit we all wished it had taken him. He's suffering. My mom is suffering. 

I know life happens...but sometimes nothing can really prepare you for what happens next.