Updates...

Last time I tried to get onto Blogger my internet browser would close down every time I logged in. Thank heavens it's not doing that today. I have a lot on my mind and I'm not sure if I'll get it all out or make much sense in the process.

The past 2 years have been a living hell to be sure. There were days when I would be driving to work and almost prayed that I would get hit (except I was struggling with my faith so I didn't see the use of praying). The past 2 years have been a literal prison. I had graduated from college. I had done the right things. I was a good person for the most part (I'm not perfect mind you, but I haven't killed anyone, I haven't robbed anyone, and I try to be as honest as possible). I did what I was supposed to and I was not where I wanted to be. Not even close.
Here's a semi-quick review of everything that's been going on. I don't mean to be repetitive in my posts, but I think it helps to paint the bigger picture.

August 2010
I got a job at 5 Buck (out of desperation for employment...they lied when they said a Bachelor's degree was good for something, thank you crappy economy).
Then my Grandmother died.
I started questioning my faith.
March 2011
I went to Chicago for a band trip (had the most embarrassing concert experience of my life).
Decided I never wanted to play my clarinet again.
Went to Columbia, MO to visit family.
Saw my family in Missouri that I hadn't seen in years.
Realized how happy I was there and how unhappy I was in Ogden.
Came back to Utah (Crying the whole way home almost...I think I had the security guard at the St. Louis airport fairly concerned)
The Bishop from my years in high school (and my high school guidance counselor) passed away.
I really questioned my faith.
Summer came.
My life got darker and darker.
Tried to get work anywhere but where I was at.
Failed.
January 2012
The new year came.
I was alone. (Nothing like filling out paperwork, by yourself and feeling completely abandoned, as you see the clock change over)
March 2012
Started a medical assisting program.
Got told 5 Buck was going to close in June.
Withdrew from medical assisting program.
Worked out a plan to move to Missouri in the summer after the store closed.
Failed.
Job did not end (3 days before it was supposed to).
Tried again to escape to Missouri.
Failed.
Got promoted.
Took 3 week vacation back to Chicago and Columbia. (Loved EVERY second of it!)
August 2012
Came home
Gave up.
Started trying to enjoy life for once.
Faith returned, slowly.
Even started flirting with the guy I've had a crush on for years. (We're actually friends!)
Realized how lucky I was and started to feel ok with everything. (I wasn't making any big strides, but I was surviving)
Found out, via Facebook note, my brother had come out as transgender.
November 2012
Got notice that more financial hardships were going to go into effect. (Enough that things were impossible)
Realized something had to change.
Went online and looked up UCMT on a whim (well, it was more than a whim I guess...but that's another story for another time) and hit send on the "Request Info" button.
Toured UCMT the following day.
Next week enrolled at UCMT (Going into more debt to hopefully better pay off current debt...yay??).
Talked to Aunt about staying at her house in their basement while I took classes.
Started sending out resumes.
Had some serious family drama that involved my brother getting arrested.
Had first Thanksgiving without parents or brother.
Started getting multiple job interviews. (A first for me)
Got job offer at Summit Academy as a cook in the school cafeteria.
Put in notice at 5 Buck.
I'm supposed to be checked out of my apartment in 11 days.
School starts the 7th of January.

Needless to say, it's been a whirlwind, roller coaster, nightmare of a time.

I had prayed and prayed for change. I finally got it when I had given up and gotten comfortable.

I've heard so many people tell stories with this basic undertone.
I never thought I would be one of those people.
I'm not the one that normal things happen to.

My faith has been torn down and ripped to shreds. But, I have found that as it has started afresh, I have learned and gained so much more. I still have many questions that need answering, but I will say that I have faith in God. I don't think that I would be where I am without Him. I know that I would be a total bundle of nerves without the peace I feel. My prayers have been answered in miraculous ways.

I'm scared out of my mind as to what the future holds. Sometimes I even wonder if there really is a future...the world IS supposed to end this Friday ;-).

I will most likely have to give up playing at the dance studio and probably also leave the orchestra I'm part of here in Ogden. Those 2 things were my saving graces during those dark years. But, I think it's ok to move on. Someone else can be blessed with the opportunities I've been so blessed with.

I have learned so much and I hope that I can continue to learn more.