Someday I'll Figure This Out

....But until then...

Today was a day I hope I can forget.

Remember all that crap I went through to get to where I'm at right now?

I'm wondering if I've done a SINGLE thing right in my life.

I want to enjoy life, but I can't seem to figure it out.

I love to perform music, but I'm too lacking in confidence and dedication to do anything about it.
I love to teach, but the panic attacks I've had before just teaching a simple piano lesson aren't worth it.
I love math and science (Astronomy and Meteorology especially), but I don't want to be a scientist.
I love helping people, but I struggle so much with loving myself that I can't be the person I need to be.

I went to school and did the bachelor's degree thing. I loved it. I LOVE to play music and I don't regret that, but even now the thought of playing my clarinet brings up moments of panic.

What the hell am I supposed to do with my life?!

I know I have been blessed with many talents, but I have no clue what to do with them. If I find something I'm good at I soon find problems and can't seem to get past them.

I quit my job at Convergys today.

I had the chance, after walking out dramatically, to actually come back, but I leaned on my horrible confidence-lacking ego and said no.

What next you might say???

I have NO IDEA!

I'm coming up on turning 30 in a couple of years.
I'm not young anymore!
I have to stop wasting the time I've been given.

BUT I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO!!!!!!

How is it possible to be so incredibly low and still exist?

I'm not about to jump off of a cliff, don't worry.

I understand that it takes some time to figure out who you are and all that stuff, but really??? When am I going to figure ANYTHING out?!

It's like there's a brick wall in front of me every time I try to do something good.

I'm still in massage school and I don't plan on jumping ship anytime soon, but I can't help but feel that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do (whatever that is).

When I decided to make all these changes I did them because I was staring into a dark abyss and had no other choice.

I'm not a fan of life right now.

I feel like Rapunzel on Disney's Tangled...

Stuck in the same place I've always been
And I'll keep wonderin'
And wonderin'
And wonderin'
And wonderin'
When will my life begin?

It's not like I haven't tried to make changes. But, apparently I keep making the wrong choices. 
I am a complete and total utter failure right now.