I know...I'm selfish.

So, 2 weeks ago my bishop told me he had asked the music coordinator in our ward to put together a musical number that would include me.
Last Sunday I finally got music in my hands.
Today we performed.

The song we performed was "Savior, Redeemer of My Soul" from the LDS musical, "Joseph Smith, the Prophet."

I don't know where I heard this song originally (I think it was through Choralaires). But, I know I loved it the first time I heard it. I was excited to get to play it. I really was...even though my faith is lacking and I can't say that I would want to sing the words of the song. I think the music is beautiful beyond words.

So, today we did our musical number.

It went well, especially considering that we put it together this morning.

BUT,
I'm feeling so ridiculously bitter.

The only people that told me good job was the bishop and one of his counselors.

I'm so used to getting numerous compliments. I'm so used to my friends, strangers and people I kind of know coming up to me afterwards and telling me how wonderful I did.

Not ONE SINGLE friend came up to me afterwards.

I've been in this ward since January. I've 'made friends' but I still feel so alone in this ward. I'm so over it.

Despite my struggles with my faith, I put myself into that song. I feel like no one could've cared less that I was involved and was appreciative of what I contributed.

I may as well have not played.

Like I said.

I'm selfish.

I just feel super let down right now.

It's not like I felt anything anyways.

I was just happy to play the piano again. I just don't remember it making me feel this angry (oh wait...there was this one time I played a 28 page long song for the Choralaires...that's when my faith started crashing).