Ch-ch-chchange

So, it has been a long time since I've blogged, so, even though I really need to be asleep, I'm going to write a few things.
First of all, I quit my job as a housekeeper. My last day was Thursday. It's almost as if the past 4 months at the surgical center never happened. I honestly wonder what possessed me to take that job in the first place. It was nice to have insurance...I found out about a couple of health problems I have that are now being treated (although I'm not sure what to do when the prescriptions run out...I will no longer be insured when I run out). One was a simple vitamin deficiency, so that shouldn't be a problem (since vitamins are sold everywhere). But, the other health problem is a little more complicated. It's something I'd like to keep private, so I won't disclose much here. But, it explains a lot of problems I've been having, and after only being on medications for a month, I already feel better. I also found out that I do in fact need either physical therapy or surgery for my ankles. Since I can't afford either, I'll just deal with it like I've been dealing for the past 4 years. Ever heard of achilles tendonosis? Well, I hadn't until I googled my problem and got it confirmed by a podiatrist. Anyways. It's nice to know what's wrong with me, even if I can't fix it all.
So-with that, I am enjoying the Christmas break. After that, I'm going back to school. I'm so happy. I'm ready to be serious about school and practicing. I'm ready to concentrate on what's important and graduate for real. I've already started applying for graduate school. I'm looking mostly at the U or Boise State. I'd like to go out of state, but it would be a heck of a lot cheaper to stay in Utah. Not to mention, I have connections to the U. And, I could stay in Ogden and commute to Salt Lake. I love where I live right now. Marie gets on my nerves every once and awhile, but overall, she's like my sister. We could be roommates until one or both of us gets married. Seriously.
Speaking of which, I am the closest to having a boyfriend I have ever been. Without being too specific, I have found a friend that I can't seem to stop talking to. I don't know how interested he is in me (as in...more than just friends) and I'm not sure how interested I am in him...but it has been a rush so far...and totally unexpected. Like I said, I have no idea how much actual interest there is on either side (especially since it started when he asked me about one of my friends that he wanted to ask out). I'm trying not to let myself get carried away. I don't want to get attached until I know there's something worth attaching myself to. If you've read my past blogs about my last crush...or know about my other past crushes, I just don't want to put myself through that again. Actually, funny story. A week before this all happened, I had a date with Danny. No one really knows this. I haven't told anyone. It went really well in my opinion. I actually really enjoyed it. As we were driving around we got into a conversation that has needed to happen for about a year. I felt like I was able to be completely honest with him. And, in that honesty, I was 100% able to say that I'm not ready for a serious relationship. I'm not sure how he took that, but now I'm beginning to wonder if this is one of those situations where you finally convince yourself that you don't want something, and then all of a sudden, it happens...
Anyways...I had a good time with Danny, and now I'm having a great time with this new adventure. It could turn out that nothing happens after this week with anyone. I think I'm ok with that. I really actually feel pretty freaked out at the thought of committing myself to someone right now. I want to commit to school, practicing and applying to grad school. I want to get married someday...but not right now. And I believe that with all of my heart. I think I might be growing up finally...lol
Ok...I need to go to sleep. Christmas eve is technically tomorrow. I haven't felt much of the Christmas spirit at all this year. Even playing Christmas music at the piano evokes no feelings of happiness and joy and so on. I feel kind of sad about it to be honest. Growing up tends to take the joy out of things once thought of as miracles by a child.
Jesus Christ was born. That we all know. It's in the history books. There's no denying it happened. The way it happened is a classic tale of a wonderful miracle. I don't mean to demean anything here. I just feel that Christmas is no longer about what I used to think it was. I'm grateful for Christ's life. I try to be thankful every day. So, I guess celebrating his birth has lost some of its glamor. There's so much that I want to say right now but I'm not sure how to word it. This past year has taught me so much. I have found a joy I never thought possible. When I felt the weight lift off of my shoulders after experiencing the power of the Atonement, I couldn't deny the reality of it. I literally felt lighter. There's so much more to life than celebrating holidays. There's so much more! I am grateful (if even only a small fraction because I don't fully understand everything and I'm still learning) for our Savior Jesus Christ. I am grateful for his love and for his sacrifice. It just doesn't seem right to celebrate his birth the way we do. He came to this Earth not so we could give each other worldly gifts each year, but for our souls. He came to save us all.
Like I said, I'm not able to put into words how I feel. I just want to say that basically, there's so much more. I'm the least worthy person of saying something like this (since I am so weak), but I know what I have felt, and I know it was real. He IS REAL.
I guess the joy I used to find in Christmas is no longer there. There is something so much deeper and I guess I'm just starting on my path to discovering it.
Anyways. I hope I made an ounce of sense.
I really need to go to bed.
One last thought.
I was reading in the book of Mormon...with Moroni writing. There is just something in what I read and the way it was written...
It persuades me to believe in God. Not that I didn't already believe in God, but it added to my belief. The thought came to mind that anything that persuades man to believe in God must be good. How could it be bad? Therefore, the Book of Mormon is good. It is real and true. I'm about to finish reading through it again. I'm so excited! :)

Ok....I'm done now.
Good night!