Ummmmm........

That's the new word of the week for me. More details to follow :)

Friendship...

Ok, so it is past 3am...my vision is getting fuzzy, the hairs on my arms are standing (feels like bugs are crawling all over me), and I'm somewhat listening to the movie "Sabrina" in the background. But, I had to write a little bit about something.
I have recently been contemplating who my real (or is it reel? am I that tired? YES!) (wow) friends are. I won't use any names (hopefully...well....mostly hopefully....in fact, it's probably mostly hopefully...with a touch of hmm).
Life has been hard (I know...it's hard for everyone). Not working and having an income has been a great strain. Living in the dump I call "The Cave" is beyond depressing...I've come to terms that I'm the mom in this place. We will now have the stress of new roommates moving in in the next couple of days. It's MY territory. STAY AWAY!!!!! There's also the added stress of the male gender that I so wonderfully (?) ranted about in my previous blog.
ANYWAYS....
2 things.
Monday an old friend (whom I will name), Eryn Johnson, from high school came out to visit me. We haven't been able to hang out in at least a year. It was SO GOOD to see her! We had a tasty meal from the dollar menu at Wendy's and went to see Charlie St. Cloud. That movie was ok...but the best part was watching Zac Efron. Oh man is he good on the eyes!!!!!! I don't care if he's a little too young. His eyes melt me every time. Eryn and I enjoyed the wet t-shirt scene a little too much I will admit. :)
So, yeah. It was so good to see her. We have been friends since 7th grade I think. We weren't always the closest (gotta love junior high friendships), but for some reason we've been able to be good friends, if not better friends throughout the years. We've even talked about being roommates together if we both found a job in the same area. She's been through a real tough time with a break-up and a lack of a good job. But, she's still herself. I love my friends, I really do. And this visit was just what I needed to get my mind off of some things.
Now, this other friend was a bit of a surprise. I was really struggling with the Spencer thing, and the rest of the male ranting problems. It all kind of hit me that day. I was having a weak moment. My friend started talking to me online and asked what was wrong. Apparently they had to leave the computer for a bit, and well, I thought that this person was just being rude after I had kind of spilled my problems. Later, while I was at the movie, I got a call and a text from this person seeing if I was ok. Now tell me, how many people would've done that? Eventually I got to talk to this person and explain some things. It was so nice to have someone there for me when I needed it. And, honestly, it was just what I needed. Any other person would've given me the response I wasn't looking for. I just feel so lucky to have this person as a friend. They may not be the best person in the world, but I'm finding that this person is getting higher and higher up on the friend list. People surprise me more often than not, and this was a big one.
One of my greatest blessings in life is my friends. Sometimes I am not the greatest friend I can be, but I try. I know I will never be able to make up for the blessings I've received from the friends in my life. Heavenly Father has been watching out for me and knows who I need in my life at certain times. I'm so thankful for this.

Ranting Explained

I know I have a problem with telling things on here that I shouldn't, but at this point, if the people involved in my rantings see this, they will now know how I truly feel.

Boy #1
Danny and I have known each other possibly since kindergarten...maybe longer. He was my first kiss (at age 5), and the only person I knew that had a crush on me (probably still the only one to this day actually). I wrote him on his mission, we had wonderful chats online...and even a couple of fun chats on the phone. I was not all in on wanting to date him, but we had a friendship that had helped me develop a sincere care for him. He never held back that he liked me and that he wanted to date me. I was always hesitant and unsure. I finally gave in and said we could try the relationship thing (long-distance though, since he hasn't lived in Utah since junior high). After that, I lost it. There was very little communication at all. There were other things, but overall, it just didn't work. We met up a couple of times. The first time was really awkward, but I'll just let that be attributed to the fact that he had very recently returned from the mission. The other date was really good actually. He put his arm around me, and I honestly would've let him kiss me that night. But, the damage had already been done by that point. There were some things I could not allow myself to like about him (rpg...) and I had already told him it wasn't going to happen. FAIL. So, fast-forward to now. He has met someone and is already talking wedding dates. It's not like I am sad that he found someone. It just hurts because our friendship is pretty much non-existent now and I feel rejected (even though I rejected him first....stupid...I know...but I'll tell you...his putting his arm around me really felt good and I really thought there might still be a chance). So, yeah. Rejection.

Boy#2
Jon is an interesting story. We went on a couple of dates. I wasn't feeling 100% interested. Nothing really happened. Story over...well...sort of. He and I are still friends. I enjoy talking to him, because I enjoy having any friend at all. I lack guy friends, so that's even better...right? Well, I'm beginning to rethink that. All he talks about to me is other girls he's dating or dated. Even though I'm not interested in him for something serious, it sucks hearing him talk about other girls. I mean...what is a real friendship with a guy supposed to be like? I don't know! Anyways. So...more rejection.

(I know this is full-out rejection per-say, but it's the knowledge that I don't mean anything to these people anymore...knowing that they've moved on, and I'm feeling like a complete failure in the dating game)

Boy #3
Kevin. Oh dear, sweet Kevin. He asked me out. I felt like maybe we were supposed to go out. But, now, I think we merely were meant to be friends. It was completely flattering with the situation though. I know of many people that knew and told me how nervous he was to ask me out. The thought that I could be intimidating enough to someone like him just floors me. But, it was really cute. But, I also somehow managed to evade every chance we had to go out. So, the date never happened. It's all good though. He has met someone now and keeps telling me how happy he is. Which, I'm really truly happy for him. He deserves someone that likes him as much as it sounds like she likes him. It still hurts that I wasn't able to be right in that situation though.

Boy #4
This is the newest one. His name is Spencer. We had a magical day and half together in Logan. He held my hand, we cuddled, we had the deepest conversation I've ever had with a guy before. After that date though, I got really freaked out. I had never held anyone's hand until that night. Not only did he hold my hand, but pretty much everywhere we went, we were holding hands (in public). Now, for someone like me that does not have a lot of dating experience, this was beyond overwhelming. We had a second date. We went to see Inception (great movie by the way). I was successful in avoiding the hand-hold throughout the entire date. Our departure was relatively awkward since he dropped me off at a friend's place and I hadn't seen her in years. So, yeah. I'm fairly certain he was not happy that I didn't even hold his hand. We had discussed that he was going to date other girls and that we weren't exclusive. So, I figured I was ok with everything. Wrong! After our first date he posted as his status on facebook (well, I was going to copy/paste it, but he has since deleted that post...burn!) something to the effect that he had gone to Logan with a 'beautiful lady' to visit his friends. Well, I was feeling bad about the way things ended, so I thought up the idea last night to invite him over for dinner. I'm glad prayers are answered. I prayed for help to know if this was a good or bad idea. ..... Well, I got online today, and his new post said that he had just had the best date ever...blah blah blah...something about a sweet, beautiful date. So, yeah. Oh, and when people asked him who he was with on my date, he never put my name. On this new one, he put her name. Let's just say I'm glad I didn't get to ask him out. Thank you Heavenly Father!

GUYS SUCK
THE END!

General Ranting

The male gender, more specifically males of the single variety, sucks.
The End.

Dessert Fail

Hello there!
So, today was my mother's birthday. My brother and I worked to put on dinner and dessert for her. My brother made some yummy enchiladas. I made brownies. The whole intent of these brownies was to put a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top and then smother it with hot fudge. WELL....
The brownies came out of the oven, I thought they were cooled down enough, so I got out the ice cream, got the bowls situated and started loading the many candles into the brownies. Fail #1. The bottoms of the candles started melting into the brownies, so I had to take out the candles. There was about a quarter of the brownie pan now covered in holes with little white rings of wax all inside the holes. So, I decided to let the brownies cool down a lot more. I got online (since I have been deprived of internet for the past couple of days...). I spent a lot of time on there. I realized that we should probably get going with the brownies. Remember how I said that I got the ice cream out???? Fail #2. I shall call what I found 'vanilla soup.' I quickly found the lid and covered the soup. It found its way to the freezer quickly. So, I put the candles back into the brownies. I had a nice row (or rather, rows) of candles all ready to light. I decided to let the soup solidify a bit, so I sat down at the tv with the rest of my family. At 9pm I woke up my mother from her deep, snore-filled slumber and tried to bring everyone to the table. My brother and I proceeded to light the candles. I guess my dad didn't get that we were lighting them at that moment, because he ran to the bathroom. My mom is old enough to utilize MANY candles. So, by the time we got them all lit, some of them were nearing the end of their life. We couldn't wait for my dad, so, Fail #3, my mom had to blow out the candles while my father was relieving himself. And, with all that wax, you guessed it, Fail #4. I don't know how much wax was ingested by my family tonight, but I'm sure it's more than what the body would like (which is none, I'm sure). I found pieces of brownie that had no wax, but the rest of my family didn't mind, so they at it despite the colorful waxy topping.
Oi...I think I shall never do this again. :)
Oh....and the ice cream had turned into a cool whip-like status by the time we got around to consuming it.