Lately I have realized how unfeminine I am and feel. For work I am made to wear black bottoms and a black polo. At school I have to wear black pants and my black uniform shirt. Due to my weight gain I pretty much only wear 1 of 2 pairs of black capris I own. They have elastic in the waistband. Not one inch of those capris makes me feel pretty. I sometimes wear earings or a flower in my hair, but to no avail. I almsot feel unworthy of such beautiful things. My hair is only not in a ponytail of some sort when I'm sleeping, (sometimes), showering (sometimes) or on the rare days I'm not at school or work. When my hair isn't tangled in an elastic, gobs of it are falling everywhere. My acne has taken over again. I think I'm allergic to my shampoo (zits around the hairline...pretty suspicious if you ask me). My work visor adds to the nastiness around my hairline. Due to my PCOS, I have ever-increasing black hairs growing on my chin.
I'm fat. My face looks like a blob.
My teeth aren't exactly desirable.
I fart WAY too much.
I want to feel pretty again.
It's been over two years since I've been on a date. I don't even think a guy has looked me in the eyes and seen me as anything more than a sandwich maker, cashier, or massage giver since I left Ogden.
Yes, I'm having a pity party. Get over it.
I feel so gross, even if I'm fresh out of the shower.
I haven't had a haircut in months and my contacts just bit the dust. Now I'm doomed to wear my glasses until further notice. I HATE wearing glasses. Glasses make me feel just that much more ugly and unfeminine.
I want to cry but I've already been on such an emotional roller coaster the past 24 hours that I just don't have it in me. Maybe tomorrow I'll have a good cry.
Who knows.
I just want to feel like a woman again. Is that so much to ask?
