Leap of Faith....what the heck did I just do?!?!?!

I have heard many times of people finding that they come to a certain point in their lives where they feel for no reason at all that they need to make a change...whether it is in the area of love, family, career or whatever it may be. They come to a crossing point I guess and make the decision to go against everything they know with the small hope that something better is coming.
For me, that has happened tonight. I'm hoping that my story will end as happily as the ones I have heard before.  If it doesn't....I don't know what I'm going to do.
I was given the opportunity to work at Bravo Arts Academy this past year as a piano teacher. I have worked with them for the past 3 years, but this past year was the most prominent in my life. I developed a sincere love for the kids I got to teach every week. I loved working as a lab aid, tutoring young music students and so on. I also loved getting to use the part of me that I am actually good at. I am not the best at playing or teaching piano, nor am I good at remembering my theory and so on. But, every time I walked out of that building I felt as if I had done something worthwhile. I had shared the gift that I have been given. It was the most fulfilling thing I've done.
So, it is so very hard for me right now because I have not felt 100% great about returning. I go to work and spend time with my students and want to do it forever. Then, I look at the contract and feel that 'stupor of thought' as it were. I have already been VERY confused about my feelings lately and this choice came at the worst time possible. Just a little while ago (as in less than a half hour ago) I sent an email telling my boss that I won't be returning next year.
It breaks my heart. I LOVE those kids. I LOVE teaching. I LOVE feeling like I'm worth something when I leave my job each night. I hope I made the right choice. I hope something better is around the corner. I hope this isn't the worst mistake I could make.
I need some serious hugs right now.

The End

Red Onions

My fingers smell like red onions right now.
When I worked at Subway a few years ago I would always come home with what my boss and I called "the essence of Subway" (a mixture of red onion and Italian bread seasoning). Anytime onions were prepped, it was guaranteed that I would come home and still be able to smell the onions on my fingers.
When I started working at 5 Buck, I was overjoyed that we used yellow onions. They are strong, but they don't make your fingers smell for the rest of the day.
Unfortunately, today was a little different. We were out of yellow onions, so we used red onions (since we have them on stock for pizzas like the BBQ chicken and chicken alfredo). All I can smell is red onions now. I have washed my hands, showered-washed my hair and body with very wonderfully smelling stuff and almost 4 hours later I STILL SMELL THE ONIONS!!!!!
I'm sick of my job right now. I need a break.

I want a real job...
I think I need to go back to school...
BUT WHAT DO I STUDY?! (too many options!)

Projections and Probablilities

The other day I decided that I had had enough of my addiction to facebook. So, I deactivated my account. I have spent so much time on that website for no reason whatsoever. I have wasted many hours that could've been spent doing more productive things like reading, practicing, spending better time with my roommates, etc. So, now that I am fighting off my urge to get back onto facebook, I think I may be projecting some of my addictive behaviors onto other websites, like this one.
Unfortunately, or rather, fortunately, the next website I visit most often (Amazon) has had a thwart in its ability to satisfy my need to waste time online as well (yes, I waste time on Amazon...it's fun to window shop and build up my wish list of items that will never be purchased). After having had some purchases declined on my debit card, I finally called in today to find out what's been going on. Someone had gotten my card info (pretty sure it was the locksmith I had to pay an arm and a leg to to get me to work on time a couple months ago) and decided to try and purchase something from a clothing department in London. I'm a little irked that my bank didn't call me at the first sign of trouble (on Wednesday). Most people have told me that their bank does that. Now, this happens to everyone at least once I'm sure. And, honestly, it's not a big deal. None of the bad transactions cleared, I didn't lose any money and it was about time to get a new card soon anyways (it was supposed to expire in November). But, it just so happens that most of my automatic withdrawals happen this time of the month and they are getting declined due to my card number being cancelled. This is not good. I can't pay my bills!
Another thing I want to mention is my cell phone.
2 years ago I noticed that my cell phone was having some problems. So, I took it into the nearest ATT store and had the guy look at it. He said that it was bad and that I needed to replace it (a wonderful sales tactic I'm sure). So, I purchased the cheapest phone possible. This phone is called the LG Neon. I dare you to google it and read any positive reviews on it. It's a HORRIBLE phone. Anyways. Shortly after purchasing my new phone I noticed that whenever I made a phone call I would hear silence while the other side would be going "hello, Hello.... HELLO!!!!"  So, after about a week or 2, I took it back. The guy nicely replaced the phone with no problems whatsoever. So, time went by, I got fed up with it and tried to go back to my previous phone. I was quickly reminded why I got the new phone and haven't used that since. Then, one day I was at the mall, finishing my business in the ladies' room and the phone fell out of my jeans pocket and took a dive in the porcelain pool. Thankfully the tub was free from any debris and did not fit in the drain. I retrieved my phone and thought that this was the end. So, I went to Walmart and purchased a $40 go phone and quickly put my SIM card in and had a working phone. This new phone wasn't worth the $40. It is a basic phone. No camera, no pictures, not even a screen on the top (it was a flip phone). So, when I realized that my Neon could work again, I went back to it. Still suffering the annoying freeze-ups while I made calls and tried to create text messages, I somehow managed to last with this phone until this past December. I found out that my phone was eligible for an upgrade. I found a fantastic free phone available and ordered it immediately. My mom loved it so much that she actually got one herself. Then, tragedy hit.
My life was falling apart already, and I was dealing with a ton of stress. I was at church and, once again had the misfortune of the phone falling out of my pocket into the porcelain pool while using the facilities. This time, however, it did not return. I lost the entire phone (I do believe I have a blog about this). So, I went back, once more, to the horrible Neon. Now. Since I have been making a more steady income, I decided to browse eBay to see if I might find some wonderful new phone for a decent price. And....I did!
I used the "Buy it Now" option and happily authorized payment on my new phone. I wanted SO BADLY to see my Neon replaced (and smashed to bits). So, my new phone came quickly and I was ever so excited. Then I decided I should check out the alarm sounds. I clicked play and heard nothing. I thought that was odd, so I went to some other sounds and discovered that they, too, did not play. Come to find out, there was a short in the sound system. So, I returned it and was quickly sent a replacement. That phone is now sitting in its box, waiting to go to the post office to be returned as well. I made 2 phone calls with it the day I got it. The people on the other side could not understand me.
So, I'm afraid to say this (cuz just when you think it can't get any worse...it usually gets worse), but it is obvious that things are not going well in my life and it's just getting more and more interesting.
I have heard, on more than one occasion, people tell stories of how nothing seemed to be going right in their lives. Things were breaking, changing and totally out of control...and so on. This always seemed to be the turning point in these stories. I'm not sure exactly what the solutions were, but I can't help but wonder... my car has already had an issue, my phone from hell keeps haunting me, and my computer to a certain (minor) extent has had some issues...among other things (not mentioning my personal life right now-there is a lot more to this story than I am willing to put out for the world to see). It's very likely that something is either going to change, or needs to change and I have yet to figure it all out.
All I know is that I am tired of things not going well. In terms of physical things, they're just things. It puts stress in my life when things break, don't work or whatever. But, it's not the end of the world and life goes on. I know I am not the only one having a rough time nor am I having the roughest time known to man kind. But, these small trivial trials I've experienced this year probably mean more than just the fact that life is hard. It is a high probability that something is amiss, unfulfilled or who knows what right now.
If I only knew.
Oh well.
I'm learning...and for that, I am VERY grateful. :)