Train, Prayers and Hope for Tomorrow

It's late...or rather...very early in the morning. I should be in bed...but I put on a movie that, even though I'm not paying very much attention to it, I'd like to finish. Anyways.
The Train concert was AMAZING!!!! The crowd was not very big until they played. The opening act was Uncle Kracker. I've never cared for them, so I wasn't too crazy about their part of the show. But, it wasn't terrible. We sat off to the side for that part. Then, after they finished we made our dash to the stage. We could've been closer if we had gotten up during the opening show, but we still got close enough. I could pretty much look into Pat Monahan's eyes as he walked across the stage. Ahhhhhh....it was sweet!!!!!! The highest point of the show was when he told us that he was going to sing the next song without a microphone, because that's the best way (he said something more poetic about it, but I don't remember). So, the band started to play, the audience went silent (minus a s few shouts of excitement) and Pat began singing When I Look to the Sky. I love that song. If I wasn't so caught up in the awesomeness of just being there, I think I could've been brought to tears by that. There was something so cool in the way he sang that first verse. He mentioned that he was having a vocal problem (it sounded like he was a little sick)...and ahh...just the heart and soul he put into singing that song. Despite having a vocal problem...he performed flawlessly. He is truly an amazing musician...as is his band. I was a fan of Train before, but now it's on a whole new level.
Today at work I put my mp3 player on and made a playlist of all the Train albums that are on my player. Every song I listened to brought me either almost to tears, or to a state of wanting to bawl. Their lyrics don't always make the most sense...but there is so much thought behind what they sing and well...it hit every raw nerve I had today. The song "Meet Virginia" was about me today (minus the part about drinking coffee at midnight and stealing and such).
"well she wants to live her life...then she thinks about her life...pulls her hair back as she screams...I don't really wanna live this life"....that is so me right now.

I am struggling so much right now with not wanting to live the life I'm living right now. I want to live- I want to experience things, see new places and so on, but then I think about my situation and realize that I don't want to live my actual life.
I want to finish school. I want my diploma that I am so close to getting. But, I don't know what I want to be in life.
I had an evaluation with my manager today at work. Everything was fine...in fact, I got a really high mark on something that I would hope I would get a high mark on, but then he had to ask me how things were going. He had to ask that one question that I have a hard time answering when it comes to that job. He said "Are you happy?" I wanted to say no. I wish I could've said that I was completely miserable...that I've given up who I was becoming and want I want to be to work for him. I ended up losing control of my emotions and had to use the tissues that he handed me. It was embarrassing. We ended up talking for a little bit and had a good conversation. My coworkers always give him a bad rap, but I've never been given a personal reason to dislike him. I'm glad that I was able to talk to my manager like that today. It was good to find out that he, too, did not particularly want the job he has and that there are plans to go back to school to do what he really wants to do.
(and in writing this I am seeing that small glimpse of hope that I have been praying for all day...)
Anyways...I drove to that evaluation, praying for some reason to stay at this job. I'm not sure that I found that reason, but through talking to my manager, I found a sense of peace that kept me from making any rash decisions. (Although, I know that the feeling of peace wasn't from the manager...)
Well, I am about ready to fall asleep. My movie is almost over. I need to go to bed.
It's the weekend and I'm excited for tomorrow. I'm going to go to the temple and then go to SLC to go to Temple Square and try to get in to see the Joesph Smith movie. I just have to find someone to go with me. If only I had a date....
Anyways....
That's all for now.
Goodnight!

Save Me, San Fransisco!

In less than 20 hours I will be at The Depot in Salt Lake City, waiting to hear my favorite band-Train. This concert is a HUGE deal for me. I NEVER go to concerts. Well...not normal concerts. I go to symphony, band and choir concerts, even piano recitals and so on, but not rock or popular music concerts. I once went to hear Styx and REO Speedwagon at the state fair...but somehow that doesn't seem to count, since a good deal of those groups don't have the original members anymore. (correct me if I'm wrong)
SO...
I'm so excited!
It's a miracle that I was able to get work off for it, and I'm not going to let anything keep me from going.
I was even contemplating riding the frontrunner there so I could say I rode the train to see Train...but I'm worried about making the last train back up to Ogden. That would save me close to $20 or $30 on gas and parking...oh well.

In other news...
I officially hate my job. I'm so tired of bending over to change a garbage bag or to clean up someone's poop on the toilet seat. Yes, I realize that I will be cleaning up that stuff for the rest of my life...but 15 bathrooms a night?! That's just too much.
I guess I need to realize that I haven't even blogged since I got this job. I work at the Makay-Dee Surgical Center. I am a housekeeper. Why I even applied for the job I'll never know. If I had thought clearly and listened to the warning of the Spirit, I would've never been put in the situation I'm in now.
I work 40 hours a week. 3:30pm-midnight, Monday-Friday. It is nice in some ways. I'm getting insurance (which I desperately need...it has alread come in handy-stupid flu), I have mornings to do whatever I want to do (so I can still do school-type things...even though I can't....which is a whole 'nother blog that I don't want to deal with...), and the people I work with are fun.
Cons-I can't do anything at night. I was just getting into country swing dancing, and all the institute activities are on weeknights as well. Not to mention I rarely see my roommates for more than 10-15 minutes a day, if even that much. I work alone for the most part, especially after 8pm. I get to clean half of the surgical floor (which is cool...sometimes I get to clean the actual ORs...) and 2 entire floors of offices by myself. Oh the joys of being alone in an old building. Apparently there is a ghost there named George. I don't believe in ghosts, but I've had a couple of experiences where either I have turned into a paranoid schizophrenic or there really are ghosts. On 2 ocaisions I have distinctly heard a man's voice. I've gotten over it for the most part. I bring my mp3 player and listen to music all night. I barely get bothered by the quiet now. Sometimes it's nice because I have time to ponder life and all it's trials and joys...but most of the time I really hate being alone for that long. If only I could have a friend there to talk to me.
Anyways...there was a purpose to this blog, but it's late, I'm distracted by thoughts of the concert tomorrow and I really need to go to sleep. I'll have to write more after the show.
Joy!

I want to dance!