Fear & Counting My Blessings

From time to time we, as human beings, experience fear.
I am a frequenter of this emotion when it comes to flying somewhere or if there is a bee or spider within 1 foot of my personal bubble.
Fear is not a feeling I prefer to experience.
Sometimes I have willingly subjected myself to fear before riding a roller coaster, but that usually pays off with a rush of excitement, screaming and laughing.

As I write this blog, I am not experiencing any of those reactions. I am shaking and can barely breathe. I am exhausted and still very much scared. And, every so often a rush of fear runs over me and I can't function.

This may sound a little over the top, but right now I am counting my blessings that I am alive.

I didn't go to bed until after midnight. When I crawled in bed I was wide awake. I had taken a long nap during the afternoon and hadn't quite felt tired enough to sleep. But, I turned on an episode of Grey's Anatomy on my phone and I tried to sleep. I woke up at the end of the episode. I kind of fell back asleep. Then woke up again at least once.

Then, I was woken up by a knocking sound. I froze up instantly. It was too dark outside and I knew that all but one of us were home (the other I never know if she's home). Getting a knock at the door like that at that time of night is not ok. A minute later I heard my roommate across the hall get out and check. I sort of fell back asleep. I'm not sure how long I was out. It must not have been more than a minute. Then I heard a knock on my bedroom door. Because I was already scared I asked who it was. All I heard was "Heather, get up...someone is trying to get in the house." I grabbed my glasses and we all went downstairs to a bedroom in the basement. My roommate from across the hall was on the phone with 911 by that point.

I learned that a man had been trying to get in our kitchen door as well as front door and that he was just outside on the porch.

We waited for what seemed like an eternity (of course it was probably maybe a maximum of 15 minutes if even) for the doorbell to ring and we were told by the 911 operator that it should be the police. We then all went upstairs and a policeman came inside.

He informed us that he had yelled at the guy on the porch and told him he could go home or her would find a place to take him. I really don't appreciate that he wasn't arrested for trespassing. The policeman informed us that this person was a frequenter in the drug world and that the guy said he was trying to get into his friend's house.

So, we had a semi-conscious drugged lunatic trying to get inside our house in the middle of the night.

Right now, I don't harbor ANY good feelings towards this person that invaded our sense of security. I feel that that person should have some kind of consequence for the nightmare he put me and my roommates through. I barely slept at all. I don't think any of us slept well.

A few years ago in my Intro to Fiction class I was required to read "In Cold Blood." (The book written by Truman Capote in the style of a novel, but based on actual events about a family that was invaded and murdered in their sleep in the middle of the night.) Needless to say, again, I am counting my blessings right now.