You Never Forget When...

It's been more than a year since I've posted anything.

The past year has been a whirlwind. I still haven't accepted the fact that it's 2018. And here we are...it's almost 2019. There's snow on the mountains and the leaves are starting to fall to the ground.

The political climate has been something I've avoided delving into. Talk of people in power getting sworn into office not even half a week after everything in the news was about him getting accused of sexual assault. It makes me sick. We will never know if the accuser(s) were being honest, or making up stories to ruin a political career.

I personally have chosen not to pick a side. Why?

Because no one wins either way.

If this man was innocent, he will live with this accusation for the rest of his life and no one will ever fully be able to trust him. And, the accuser will have added fire to the flame of why no one takes sexual harassment accusations seriously.

If he was guilty, then it will be a stain on our already defaced country. Women all across the country have been hurt, and this just rams the sword in afresh and deeper.

Like I said, I am not taking sides. I wasn't there. I don't know. I don't trust anyone anymore, especially in politics.

However, I do have one thing to say, from personal experience.

A lot of people say this woman couldn't be capable of remembering the details of something that happened so many years ago.

Let me tell you, when someone touches you without your permission, not matter how long ago, YOU WILL REMEMBER EVERY DAMN DETAIL.

I am 33 years old.

Let me take you back to when I was in grade school. I don't remember which grade specifically. I know I was young enough to be on the small playground (which was grades K-3), and I wasn't in the oldest class on that side of the building. So, I was most likely in first or second grade.

I don't remember why, but I was walking back into the school building during recess. I probably needed to use the restroom. But, that's when my story happened.

There was a student in our school that was the kind of student that really couldn't communicate and had an aide with him almost always. He was in the class above me for most of my life and had probably been held back many more years. He eventually did graduate from high school, but at least another full year after I did.

I actually don't know what his disability was exactly, but he definitely was disabled. I'm not sure how much he really knew at that point in his life.

I was young enough to not know what sex was. I didn't know my vagina was for anything else other than the area where my pee came out of. I knew it was the area called 'private parts,' but I didn't understand why fully.

Now that you have a better picture of the circumstances...1st or 2nd grade naive girl and a mentally disabled boy...

I was walking up the steps to go back into the building when I was confronted by this boy.

He reached out his hands...if they were out to the side it would've looked like he was trying to hug me. However, his hands were not horizontal. One hand found its way to my head or shoulders and the other hand found its way directly to my crotch.

I don't know what he was trying to do. I was clueless. However, to this day, I remember vividly the setting and the feelings. I remember the important details.

My clothes were on, he didn't exactly fondle me, but he definitely touched me where he wasn't supposed to, and I had not given permission for such a thing.

I've been reminded of this event from time to time, but not until this past week as I've been working on some personal growth have I felt so much concerning this event.

This was more than 20 years ago. I was a CHILD! A scared, naive one at that.

Everything has been coming to the surface concerning this experience lately.

So, to say that someone can't remember something that happened 18 years ago is total and utter bullshit!!!!

I have the worst memory, but I remember that experience VIVIDLY. When someone does something like that, you don't forget.

Again, I am not saying I believe or don't believe this woman, I just know that if something really did happen to her, there's no way in hell she'll ever forget it. EVER.

It is a sad world we live in when something so severe is brushed under the carpet so easily.

I have to believe, more than ever, that where we fail as humans, God will serve the ultimate justice...whether in this life or the next. And I mean that for both sides.