Train, Prayers and Hope for Tomorrow

It's late...or rather...very early in the morning. I should be in bed...but I put on a movie that, even though I'm not paying very much attention to it, I'd like to finish. Anyways.
The Train concert was AMAZING!!!! The crowd was not very big until they played. The opening act was Uncle Kracker. I've never cared for them, so I wasn't too crazy about their part of the show. But, it wasn't terrible. We sat off to the side for that part. Then, after they finished we made our dash to the stage. We could've been closer if we had gotten up during the opening show, but we still got close enough. I could pretty much look into Pat Monahan's eyes as he walked across the stage. Ahhhhhh....it was sweet!!!!!! The highest point of the show was when he told us that he was going to sing the next song without a microphone, because that's the best way (he said something more poetic about it, but I don't remember). So, the band started to play, the audience went silent (minus a s few shouts of excitement) and Pat began singing When I Look to the Sky. I love that song. If I wasn't so caught up in the awesomeness of just being there, I think I could've been brought to tears by that. There was something so cool in the way he sang that first verse. He mentioned that he was having a vocal problem (it sounded like he was a little sick)...and ahh...just the heart and soul he put into singing that song. Despite having a vocal problem...he performed flawlessly. He is truly an amazing musician...as is his band. I was a fan of Train before, but now it's on a whole new level.
Today at work I put my mp3 player on and made a playlist of all the Train albums that are on my player. Every song I listened to brought me either almost to tears, or to a state of wanting to bawl. Their lyrics don't always make the most sense...but there is so much thought behind what they sing and well...it hit every raw nerve I had today. The song "Meet Virginia" was about me today (minus the part about drinking coffee at midnight and stealing and such).
"well she wants to live her life...then she thinks about her life...pulls her hair back as she screams...I don't really wanna live this life"....that is so me right now.

I am struggling so much right now with not wanting to live the life I'm living right now. I want to live- I want to experience things, see new places and so on, but then I think about my situation and realize that I don't want to live my actual life.
I want to finish school. I want my diploma that I am so close to getting. But, I don't know what I want to be in life.
I had an evaluation with my manager today at work. Everything was fine...in fact, I got a really high mark on something that I would hope I would get a high mark on, but then he had to ask me how things were going. He had to ask that one question that I have a hard time answering when it comes to that job. He said "Are you happy?" I wanted to say no. I wish I could've said that I was completely miserable...that I've given up who I was becoming and want I want to be to work for him. I ended up losing control of my emotions and had to use the tissues that he handed me. It was embarrassing. We ended up talking for a little bit and had a good conversation. My coworkers always give him a bad rap, but I've never been given a personal reason to dislike him. I'm glad that I was able to talk to my manager like that today. It was good to find out that he, too, did not particularly want the job he has and that there are plans to go back to school to do what he really wants to do.
(and in writing this I am seeing that small glimpse of hope that I have been praying for all day...)
Anyways...I drove to that evaluation, praying for some reason to stay at this job. I'm not sure that I found that reason, but through talking to my manager, I found a sense of peace that kept me from making any rash decisions. (Although, I know that the feeling of peace wasn't from the manager...)
Well, I am about ready to fall asleep. My movie is almost over. I need to go to bed.
It's the weekend and I'm excited for tomorrow. I'm going to go to the temple and then go to SLC to go to Temple Square and try to get in to see the Joesph Smith movie. I just have to find someone to go with me. If only I had a date....
Anyways....
That's all for now.
Goodnight!