Coping...or rather...not coping at all

As I shared in a blog recently, my dear friend Tanner Holst passed away...a little over 2 weeks ago. I have never really experienced death in this way. My dog and cat passed away both within the past couple of years, I've had numerous fish and rodents die. My grandpa died when I was in second grade. BUT, none of that compares to what I have gone through these past 2 weeks. I think my record for longest time without crying since his passing is a little over 24 hours.
I have taken on a LOT of stress this semester. I am registered for 18 credit hours, but could be registered for 19. I have 2 small part time jobs. And now I'm trying to handle the emotional stress of losing my friend.
Yesterday it all came to a head when I collapsed while warming up with the Choralaires. No one really knows what happened (I seem to be invisible in that choir for the most part). Thankfully I realized what was happening before anything serious happened. I was fine, singing and happy for the most part, then my head got fuzzy and my strength gave out. Thankfully there was a chair right beneath me, so I was able to catch myself. I had a fight with my body the rest of the day. I contemplated going to the emergency room...calling my mom...or just going home. But, I had a responsibility to sing, so I told myself that it was either be carted out on a stretcher or make it through the day. I barely survived. Sis. Simon came to my side and tried to help...bless her soul, but I really felt uncomfortable with the situation. How could I explain to anyone that I was just a mess? I've been sick with sinus problems and now I wonder if I don't have pnuemonia or something...(maybe I don't have anything at all)...since I've been experiencing pains in my chest and coughing up gunk (I know...you really wanted to read that). I've been super stressed out with school. I have not been keeping up with my schoolwork like normal. I'm behind in pretty much every class...and I don't really have the option of retaking any of these classes next year (I'm applying to graduate). The past 2 weeks I have been involved in the orchestra for WSU's production of Peter Pan. Ah...I'm so scatter-brained right now. First I was stressed from school and work, then I got sick, and then I lost my friend. I was already feeling depressed when school started.
What's a person supposed to do?
My dear friend Kathryn was right by my side for the rest of the day yesterday. She was my guardian angel. Then, when I got home, I got a random text from my old roommate. I knew that I needed to ask for a priesthood blessing, but I didn't know who to turn to. And suddenly, when she asked if there was anything she could do for me, I knew who to turn to. She brought her husband and friend over and they fulfilled their priesthood responsibilities. After they left, I was feeling a lot better. I was ready to go to bed and wake up ready to go to classes. But, when I woke up I felt the same weakness that I felt yesterday. So, I slept. I slept and slept and slept. At around 1:30 I finally got up. I ate and got ready for work. I started to feel shakey again, but had to go...so I went to work. As I was standing in my room, I collapsed again. Thankfully the piano bench was there. I was in the process of texting my mom to come help me out when my first student walked in. Somehow, through no less than a miracle, I was able to teach my 2 students and make it home. Right now I actually feel pretty good. But, I am definitely ready to go to sleep. I slept 12 hours!!!!! It's been a LONG time since I've done that.
I know that Tanner would want me to be back on my feet or rather...on my butt in the practice room (well..maybe my feet), but somehow, my body has not been handling this very well.
How am I supposed to get back to normal life when I can't even stand up for more than 5 minutes without falling over? Ah!!!! I guess my point of this all isn't there. I wanted to be more elequent in what I said...but when you're tired, shakey and want to sleep...I guess getting it out in any form is better than holding it all in. I just wish I could find out if I'm really sick, or if it's just the emotional stress making my body act like it's sick. AH!!! I wish I had medical insurance...or actually...this makes me wish I was a little girl when my mom would take me to the doctor and make eveyrthing all better. I hate the adult life sometimes :)