To clear up something...

In my last blog I feel that I may have made it sound like I was blaming my problems on the death of my friend. I wasn't. I was just venting.
I have been sick and I don't know what's going on. After having lost Tanner to being sick...it has kind of been freaking me out. I was around him a lot. The last thing I would want to find out is that I had the same thing. So, I guess I'm just one of those people that get a little out of control (understatement of the century)
To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if I have pneumonia. Trust me, I have enough symptoms. I'm not just making it up. But, there are other problems that have been adding to the heap '0 trouble in my world. There is a history of diabetes in my family. I fear that I am starting to show signs of blood sugar management problems. I think I'm more on the hypoglycemic side than diabetic, but even still, it's scary. I almost passed out twice in 2 days. Every day I wake up feeling fine and then start feeling shakey and want to pass out. So, anyways...back to Tanner.
I loved Tanner as a friend, as a musician and as a brother (and I'm not just making that up-I felt like he was a brother to me at times).
We have an orchestra concert this weekend. I'm not looking forward to playing a certain piece. We are playing selections from Carmen by Bizet. There is one piece where there is an AWESOME bassoon solo. I only recall hearing Tanner play it once. But, that was enough. Half of the piece is him. Then the clarinet takes the solo with a contrapuntal bassoon line. It's SWEET. But, I won't get to play it with him again (at least in this lifetime). I hope I can keep my head up for this concert. I can still hear him playing that solo. And, every time I get to play my part, I want to do my best to play it like I was playing with him.
You never know how much a person has impacted your life until you look back on what you were like when you were around that person and compare it to what you were before and where you are now. It has almost been 3 weeks since he passed away. No one seems to notice that he's gone anymore...or at least acknowledge that there's something missing. I have to keep telling myself that he's just gone for a little while. If there's a symphony in the spirit world, I can't wait to play with him in it :) I miss him so much.