And so it goes...

Where to begin...
First of all, if any of you saw a previous post that I have since removed...I feel horrible. Once again I have failed to monitor what I write. I apologize to any and all who read it. I was feeling overwhelmed and wrote some things that I was feeling...even though they aren't completely true to who I really am.
I have struggled with realizing what I missed out on while I was a kid and I have always thought that I would do my best to avoid putting my kids through that. But, I did have a good childhood for the most part. Things got rough in high school, but I need to hold onto the good memories when things were as normal as could be.
Anyways...
I think I need my head checked...
I don't know if I should say anything, because I'm so on the fence about things. But, there is a chance that I actually do like someone. It seems like I'm meant to be in this situation. Maybe he needs it, maybe I need it (or both)...anyways. Before he ever tried to ask me out I felt like I should ask him to the Spring formal at the Institute. I pushed away the feelings saying that there was no way I could. Which, in the end, was probably ok since I was pretty sick the night of the dance. But, I still wonder why I felt so impressed to ask him. The more and more I talk to him, the more and more I find myself being ok with everything. My only fear right now is that I don't know if I can handle being in a situation where I'm actually in a solid friendship with a guy. I have never really been too close to any guy. Every close relationship I've had with a guy has ended badly. Not that I've had many. In fact, I can only think of one. I'm lacking in a good, solid relationship of any kind actually. Maybe it's time to let go and just see what happens. It's not like I'm going to marry him or anything. We're just getting together to watch Grey's Anatomy. He he...I can't wait to try to educate and corrupt him on the subject lol :) Anyways...life is unpredictable. I had no idea I'd be in a situation like this ever. But, I can already tell that I have been blessed and helped in a new way. I pray for help and every time gets better and more comfortable. Like I said, I am pretty sure this is where I need to be right now.