A few years ago as I was trying to complete my final general education requirements I decided to take an Intro to Fiction class. My first attempt at that class was quickly changed when I decided to do Choralaires ( a choice I have never regretted). The second time I took it, I happened upon a great teacher (I wish I could remember his name). Although I didn't manage to complete the class (writing is my greatest weakness and writing a 10-page paper was worse than preparing a 1 hour recital...if that gives you ANY kind of perspective), I learned a great deal from that class.
We read novels and short stories and spent the entire class time discussing them. (another one of my weaknesses). Although I don't really remember much, I remember one novel we were required to read. It is called: "Life of Pi."
It is a fairly popular book. It's even in the process of being made a movie (something I'm scared to see honestly).
The story is about Pi, who gets stranded in a lifeboat with animals after the boat he was on sinks. It's been years since I've read this book, so forgive me in my lack of giving a good description of it. Anyways. There is one part that has always stuck with me. The book itself is beyond weird. (something I just can't help but love) But, somewhere close to the beginning of the book, Pi discusses his beliefs. Time and time again I have remembered this part and it brings me peace when I think about it. To struggle with doubt is a challenge I never thought I'd face. I never thought that this quote would have so much personal meaning to me. But, life is never what you expect it to be. You NEVER know what trials and joys you will experience from day to day. Anyways, here's the quote.
"Doubt is useful for a while. We must all pass through the garden of Gethsemane. If Christ played with doubt, so must we. If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if He burst out from the Cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" then surely we are also permitted to doubt. But we must move on. To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation."
Before I go on, I want to point out that I don't fully agree with the choice of words here. Christ never played with doubt. He always knew what he was doing and what was going to happen. More than doubt, he showed that he was human. He showed weakness. He never gave in, but in his act of asking 'please remove this cup from me' he showed us that it is ok to be scared, to be affected by pain and death. But the key is he still moved on. Even though he was affected by weakness and human nature, he did not give heed to it. He did not give in. He faced his trial and moved on.
My favorite part that I'm trying to apply to my own life right now is this: "But we must move on."
Life is hard. It's natural to get stuck. It's easier to get stuck than I thought. Depression comes in many shapes and forms. It is ok to slow down for a little while to reassess the situation and contemplate making changes and figure out what the heck you're going to do with yourself to get out of that depression. But, it is only ok for a little while. WE MUST MOVE ON.
I've been struggling with some of my doubts for many months now. I've told myself that I will just stop and figure things out. The only thing that did for me was allow myself to dig a deeper hole in which it has gotten increasingly more difficult to get out of. I've decided that it is time to move on. I'm still struggling with my doubts, more so than ever actually. But, I'm trying to take that first step in the forward direction.
Tonight I read a blog written by someone I am coming to admire and look up to in a lot of ways. His name is Chad Hymas. He was involved in an accident many years ago that left him paralyzed. He was told he would be lucky if he could use his arms. He has since done hand pedaling bike marathons, ridden roller coasters and does not need to be strapped to his chair (something he was also told he would have to be for the rest of his life). This accident happened to him while I was in high school. Since he lived in a nearby town, I had the opportunity to participate in a service project at his house to help while he was still adjusting. He spoke at my high school graduation as well. So, even though I have never personally met him, he has been in my life.
As I was reading his blog tonight, everything that I read fit in perfectly with my feelings I've had with this quote from "Life of Pi." I'd like to share what he wrote now...
08/02/2011
Confronting Our Fears
In one session, we discussed why we should confront our fears. If we are to grow and be successful, we must be willing to face that which is standing in our way. But what do most of us do when confronted with change or something that is not comfortable? We usually back away.
The fear that I am talking about are those challenges that stand in the way of personal and professional growth. We have all been afraid when faced with a new challenge. I’m sure you have been ‘paralyzed’ by fear at one time or another in your life. I know I have.
What frightens one person to death might have little or no impact on someone else. It might be changing jobs or speaking in public. The vast majority of people are terrified about speaking in front of an audience.
A major factor in not confronting your fears could be fear of failure. Many of us won’t try something new if we feel it won’t work out. However, there is a price to pay. Your self-esteem is lowered because you feel powerless and frustrated. If you don’t step out of your comfort zone, you most likely will lead an uneventful life and you sabotage your success.
Ralph Waldo Emerson offered some simple advice, which, if followed, can transform your life. He said, “Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.” This makes good sense, but some people are just too afraid to act. Running away from your fears is a losing strategy. It only brings frustration and unhappiness.
There is nothing wrong with having some fears. Successful people have fears. The difference is that successful people take action and move forward despite being afraid. It’s not always easy, but you will feel better.
When you push through fear and take action in some areas of your life, you’ll develop confidence in other areas as well. Life does not reward those who refuse to expose themselves to difficulties and challenges. It is important that you put yourself in a position to win – and that means taking action despite fear.
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...do the thing you think you cannot do."
Eleanor Roosevelt
I know it sounds funny to say this, but I have a testimony of facing fears. Every time I have faced one and conquered it, I have come out a better, stronger person. I won't repeat anything that Chad said because I'd probably end up repeating most of what he said.
It is far past time for me to face my fears and move on.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who will need these words of encouragement now or ever.
"Wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." (Ether 12:6)
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