MAN! I feel like a WOMAN!!!

So, I had been bothered by some friends today about going to the institute activity tonight. It was a talent show and I wasn't terribly interested in going. But, when I found out that a few of my friends were involved...I decided to go. The talent show was great. Then, they said something about a dance. Dance?! I didn't know there was going to be a dance! I HATE dances! The last one I went to was about 3 or 4 years ago. I became a wallflower and that was the last time I was EVER going to go. But, once again, peer pressure succeeded. I stayed for the dance. I had a great time. Then, my stomach got upset, so I had to leave for a few minutes. When I finished in the ladies' room, I walked out to the main lobby area. There was a table with bright yellow papers on it. I HAD to investigate! It was a bunch of sign up sheets for committees next year. I've been thinking about joining one for awhile lately. I really feel like I need/want to get involved. So, I started trying to make up my mind which committee to join. When all of a sudden, this really cute guy bumped into me. He elbowed me and asked if I was going to join a committee. I said that I was thinking about it, but that I couldn't make up my mind. Anyways. We kind of flirted a bit....and a funny thing happened. A friend of his and a girl were dancing (in the lobby...go figure) and they very lightly...if even at all....bumped into this guy....he totally over-exaggerated the motion and grabbed onto me. He held my side and everything. There was nothing inappropriate...don't worry. :) Anyways. So, we flirted some more and it was just amazing. Wow....I think I just lied in my title...maybe this isn't a first. huhmmm......... Anyways. After awhile he was like....so what's your name? We shook hands and stuff (weird...I know). Then he was like "I'm sure we'll see each other again" and I said "that would be great"...he smiled and we parted ways. I wish that he had asked for my number! Ahhh!!! He was SOOOOOO handsome! AHH!!!! Maybe I will see him again. If it's what's right in my life at this time, it will happen. I'm not on the hunt. The previous blog was supposed to make that point. I really would love to have a boyfriend and have a dating life, but I just don't want it right now. Anyways. I'm grateful for the moment. It was great. I may never see the guy again. Who knows. But, for once, I felt like a normal girl/woman (whatever I am these days).
:)

Cursed be the man sitting next to me...

Ah....the cursor appeared. Yay!....sorry, random tangent.
Anyways. I must vent right now about a certain person sitting in the room on the couch next to me. He can't see what I'm typing...at least...I don't think he can...can you!?!?! :)
(I almost expected him to say yes there for a second)
Anyways.
This man has an interesting history with out apartment. He is in the same ward as my now-engaged-roommate Charla. She would tell me last semester that she liked him and I was happy for her and stuff. Then she found out that he had asked out her best friend. So, that was over for her. Then, we got a new roommate named Makayla. She went to a fireside with previously mentioned Charla. Makayla met this guy....named Neil. There was much flirting. Neil is now a regular at our apartment. To be honest, he drives me crazy. He's rich. He is extremely nice. Almost too nice sometimes. Anyways. He treats Makayla as if she were a princess. Which...I guess she is...(every girl is a princess). As the weeks have gone by and he has been over here, I have become increasingly annoyed with him. But with this annoyment, I have started to feel something for him. I feel like I'm in one of those weird love stories. Anyways. I'm running short on time. Today it was bad....I couldn't even look at him. I don't want to feel this way about someone like him. Ahhhh!!!! Everytime I look at him....ahh...and then he hangs around Makayla...and it makes me frustrated. Anyways...
The End....for now....

A list:

Favorite song: Beethoven's 6th Symphony

Favorite food/beverage item: water

Favorite class: Choralaires

Favorite experience of the past week: Getting a new kitten....and the Spring Show

Favorite hug: from Renee

Favorite thing about today: my car made it to the shop without dying a terrible death

Favorite rescuer: Jessica Slater...she has has saved me twice now with having to take the car into the shop.

Favorite thought: Finals are NEXT week!!!!!!!

Favorite toy: the rubber chicken of Charla's that makes the funniest noise you've ever heard!!!

Favorite out-of-control moment: spraying hairspray on my mirror with my elbow...it was random.

Favorite encounter: Meeting the cute guy at the bank (unfortunately he's married). He was so helpful!!!!

Favorite phone call of the day: my mommy :)

Favorite lying-on-the-floor-laughing-too-hard moment: squeaking the previously mentioned rubber chicken :)

Favorite feeling: not having my eyes burn because they are so dry from crying...it lasted a few minutes :)

Favorite reminder: My Heavenly Father Love Me!!!

This is a Great Country

It really is. What a blessing it is to be in such a wonderful place at such an amazing time. What a gift it is to be somewhere where we can receive the blessings of the gospel. My life has been richly blessed and I need to write about it. I suppose this is more personal diary stuff, but I'm falling asleep and if I go in my room to write in my journal, I won't get everything done. Anyways.
Before our last showing of the institute spring show I had the opportunity to bear my testimony. Since we were short on time, I had to condense everything I wanted to say. There is a song that we sang in the program that has become a great source of comfort for me. It is a reminder to me of the love of our Heavenly Father.
~My Shepherd Will Supply My Need~
My Shepherd will supply my need, Jehovah is His name. In pastures fresh he makes me feed, beside the living stream. (suddenly I can't remember the words...and I really don't want to get up to get them...I'll have to edit this later...)
Anyways. There are certain lines that have particular meaning for me.

"He brings my wand'ring spirit back when I forsake His ways."
I cannot even begin to explain what this phrase means to me. I won't try to explain. But, it is SO TRUE. He knows when we are struggling. He knows how much we can take. He knows what it will take to get us back. For me, it was Choralaires. The music, the friends, the examples and the Spirit that is felt there everyday in rehearsal.

"Thy hand in sight of all my foes doth still my table spread"
I'm not 100% sure of what this phrase means, but I know that His hand will be there when we face our enemies. Today, my enemy was Satan. Everything that could go wrong pretty much did go wrong. My dress ripped...twice. My car isn't safe to drive anymore. And everything just keeps piling up on me. Yesterday when I was trying to mend my dress (the first time) I felt panicked. I think I actually swore....yes, I did, sadly. After a moment though, I realized that what I was feeling was completely ridiculous. I finally calmed down. The show went well that night, but it wasn't anything special for me. Then this morning I just felt so...off. It was my only chance to clean. So, I cleaned. But, I ended up not giving myself enough time to get ready for the afternoon show. In the process of trying to get ready, I burned my ear with my curling iron. I almost swore, but I was able to control myself this time thankfully. But I sure felt a lot of anger and stress, etc in my heart. I went to the pre-show devotional. Throughout the meeting, I could not concentrate on what was being said. Thoughts and images went through my mind that I did not want. I could not control them though, as hard as I tried. The show started and I still felt wrong. Before singing this wonderful song, I decided that I needed some help. I went to a quiet place and said a prayer. What a wonderful thing that was for me. I had a hard time controlling the tears as I played my clarinet. The words that the choir sang spoke volumes to my soul. Every phrase brought to memory the most recent times that My Shepherd has supplied my needs. I wish I could write them all down, but my thoughts are scattered enough that it won't happen right now. Anyways, my prayer was answered and my foe was stilled. I could write an entire entry on how I felt as we sang "Behold a Royal Army"....that song has a totally different meaning to me now. But that is another blog/entry for another time.

"My cup with blessings overflows"
I have been blessed. I really have. I can't even begin to list the many blessings that I have received. Even through the trials, there were blessings. I didn't want to admit it at times, but they were there. I hope that I have been thankful enough for them. I probably haven't.

"There would I find a settled rest, while others go and come"
It may sound dumb, but when my cat got put to sleep, her 'going' was a great burden on my spirit. She was a source of comfort to me and I just can't even begin to write down what it meant to me that she was gone. This phrase gives me the hope of finding rest in all of this stress.

"No more a stranger, nor a guest, but like a child a at home"
Along with the last phrase, this one has a lot to do with my cat. The weekend that she was put down, we sang at a church that was almost completely identical to my home ward. I have only seen one other building like it It is a not-so-commonly used floor plan. Anyways. So, there was this weird feeling as if I were home. It was really weird. Seriously. Then, my dear friend collapsed on me. This experience made it seem even more like home, since my dad collapses all the time when he has seizures. Even though I had a hard time holding back the tears, there was comfort in being in that building. I felt like I was home. It was wonderful.

He knows us. He knows our needs.
I don't know how this is going to turn out, but I hope that a certain experience today will continue to be a blessing in my life. On our way back to campus tonight, my parents and I stopped at the petco in riverdale. I felt like I needed to go there. I really did. :) My parents decided to get one of th kittens that they had out for adoption. She is not ours yet, since she needs to be spayed, but she truly is an answer to a prayer of sorts for me. When I held her, I couldn't hold back the tears. I will always miss my first cat-Mystie. I love her dearly and I will never forget the power that she had in my life. But, as I held this new kitten, it was like I was back in the 8th grade holding Mystie for the first time. She wouldn't let go of me. She seemed to like me. It felt so good to hold her. She even has similar markings.
I really need to go to sleep. But I can't express enough how full my heart is right now. Heavenly Father supplied my need today. My Savior supplied my need. My prayers were answered. I was comforted. I smiled the most I've ever smiled in a LONG time today. I was actually happy again. There are many wounds in my soul that still need healing, but I think that a few were healed today. I am so thankful for the wonderful blessings in my life. My friends, family, teachers, and cats :). Just to name a few.
Goodnight!

Man it's hot in here!

So, I'm sitting in the University Village computer lab right now. They have a severe problem with the heating in this room. It's an oven. Why I still have my hoodie on is beyond me. I'm a cookin'! :) Oh well. The reason I am here though is quite interesting I'm sure. Well, actually, probably not. First of all, my computer has been dead for over a month now. A friend has kindly let me borrow his laptop, but I had to return it to him yesterday, so I'm confined to the lab again. Then there is the aspect that I really hate being around my roommates sometimes. One is engaged. The other has a missionary. This one with the missionary also has a friend that won't leave her alone. He spoils her, which just adds to the problem that she is already a spoiled brat. Anyways. He's a nice guy, but he's almost too nice. It almost freaks me out. Why he wastes his time with here when there are other 'available' people in the same apartment is beyond me. Phew. Glad I got that off my back.
Today was Stake Conference. After the extreme high I felt from General Conference last week, I was hoping to feel even just a small portion of it again. But, alas, the word 'marriage' was used and I got frustrated. I know that we are supposed to not get upset when they talk about it. Those of us (women) who have not had the opportunity will not be held accountable. I know this. But, it still irritates me to my last nerve. I was even censured by that same friend who lent me his laptop. He said that we should not let any hard feelings keep us from feeling the spirit. I understand. But how do we control our feelings when it is something like that? I have been asked out (seriously) once. That occured in December. I never went out with the guy though. I was not interested at all. I can even tell you of my dating life in a rather short time. I think I just might.
I turned 16 and asked my crush of 2 years (named Jon) to the prom. He couldn't go since he had finals that week at BYU.

For my junior year prom, I asked the cashier (named Matt) at the grovery store. He said yes. One of the stupidest things I've ever done!

My freshman year of college, one of my dear roommates set me up on a double date. His name was Jon. It went ok, but it was really awkward for me. We went to that really expensive restaraunt they just tore down next to Temple Square. (the INN??) Anyways. It was super expensive and I barely knew the guy. The following Sunday we said hi and stuff, but I never really ever saw him after that.

Then for my birthday another roommate set me up on a surprise group date (I don't remember his name). That was a lot of fun, but the guy would NOT shut up! He drove me nuts. I did bowl a 122 though. So, there are happy memories from that night.

Later...or maybe before now that I think about it, I was asked to fill in last-minute on a group date. That was nothing super special. The guy I was paired with was named Jon. (see a pattern here??? And no, they are none of them the same person!)

A year or 2 went by. My friend (not a Jon) came home from his mission. I went to go visit him. We went to a wedding reception of a friend of mine. Then we went and walked around Temple Square to see the lights. He tried. But I guess I was wanting more or something. I made sure my hand was available for holding. I tried to talk to him and stand next to him. He kept wandering off. Yeah...we've tried to do the relationship thing more than once...it's NEVER going to happen. He won't ever keep his word to write me. Grr...I fyou see this Danny....that's why!

Then, a year ago, a friend of mine took me to get ice cream once. That was fun. It felt like a date. I thought it was a date, but then the second time (when we went to Carl's Jr.) he told me that I could pay him back. JERK!

Then, in December, another John asked me out. Yes, I was actually asked out. But, eventually he got a text from telling him to leave me alone. I hadn't heard from him since he asked me out and then he started calling me on Valentine's Day. What is up with that?! I was not interested in him. I could've said yes to be nice, but that would be leading him on. Something, which I have learned is not the best thing to do.

So, that, my friends is my dating life in a nutshell. It sucks. I've tried the online dating thing. I have one word for that. Creeps.

So...with that out. How the heck am I supposed to feel when the word marriage is used. Guys usually ignore me whenever I'm around. It's like I have a big sign on my forehead that says 'Stay away!'
Ahh the world of men makes me irritable. Hence, why I have decided to go to grad school, and become a professional musician. If I'm sinlge, I can handle all the gigs that will be offered! Ha!! I will be a crazy cat lady. And I will like it. :)

To be honest though, I really don't like the idea of being married so much anymore. Wow...I really sound bitter right now, don't I? Oi. I don't mean to, but then again, I suppose I am. If it is the right thing for me, it will happen. I'm sure of that. But, right now, it's not what I want. I'm not searching for it. I would rather just learn to be friends with the guys I'm around. I always seem to get along with guys that I don't see as a threat. Is that funny or what?! My guy friends are either guys that are too young for me, already taken, or I'm totally not interested in them. If I have any feeling of interest, I sut down and never have anything to say to them. HA! It's quite perplexing.

It's really late, but I need to just say...

I'M FREE!!!!!!!
YAY!!!!!!
Tonight I saw a dear friend of mine, but due to certain circumstances, I hope to never see him again. It feels so good to have said goodbye, hugged and parted ways. Things just seem to be getting better for once. :) It's terrible to say that I'm glad that I'll never see him again...but when you've had a crush on someone for 4...almost 5 years and that person gets married and tells you that they're expecting their first child...it just helps to move on...without that person interfering. Anyways.
Also, tonight I played the Brahms Clarinet Trio for the last time...hopefully...for a while. I'm sure I'll want to play it again someday, especially if I'm going to be going to grad school. But, for now, no more Brahms!!! JOY!!!!! :):):)
The end...:)

Sleep???

Oi...I'm wide awake right now. It's almost 1am. It's the end of the semester and all I want to do is stay up late and sleep in the following morning. All I want to do is dance and sing and have fun. None of this 6 and 7 page paper crud that I'm supposed to do. Ugh, I can't wait for school to be over! :)