Saturday, September 24, 2011
Seizing the Single
Posted by Heather~Marie at 1:21 AM 1 comments
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
My Clarinet
Posted by Heather~Marie at 11:09 PM 1 comments
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Smile
Posted by Heather~Marie at 2:50 PM 1 comments
Sunday, September 11, 2011
10 Years Ago
Posted by Heather~Marie at 12:25 AM 0 comments
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Dreams
It's late in the morning and I need to eat my breakfast and go to work. But, once again I have had a very vivid dream that has decided to stick with me. It was short ans simple. I was in a church meeting, met some guy (I don't remember his name), he started scratching my back a little, I fell into his lap in a cuddling manner and it was as if we were meant to be. He also talked to me about my trip to St. Louis and asked me if I have changed my way of speaking.
Dreams are amazing. Sometimes I wish they would come true (Like this one...man I could really handle having someone to cuddle with). Other times I'm more than beyond grateful that dreams don't come true. (I've had many disastrous dreams in which the world seemed to be coming to an end). Anyways, as I try to wrap this up quickly...ha ha...I'm grateful for dreams that take me away from this world and give me a glimpse of the life I don't have. Mystery man of my dreams, I hope you really exist! :)
Posted by Heather~Marie at 9:15 AM 0 comments
Friday, September 9, 2011
Upgrade
In my attempt to move onward and upward I decided it was time to update my blog a little. To anyone that reads my blog (if you exist) take a look. I'm not a huge fan of red, but it had stars and music notes...how could I resist?? :) Anyways, let me know what you think.
Posted by Heather~Marie at 11:32 PM 1 comments
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
A Moment of Silence
As I was sitting at my computer starting a new episode of Dr. Who, I decided to check my facebook as well. I got to my homepage and instantly noticed something I was not expecting. A friend of mine had posted a link to an obituary. The link was for an obituary of a friend of mine.
I did not know this girl very well. We've probably only talked to each other a handful of times...mostly to say hello and make a little small talk. BUT, what I knew of her was enough. She was an awesome girl. She seemed to always be happy and to have amazing friends surrounding her. She always made me laugh.
According to the obituary she suffered from bi-polar disease and succumbed to it this week.
Even though I barely knew her, I can't express how sad this makes me. I can't nor will I ever fully (100%) understand how she came to make the decision to take her own life, but since I can understand enough in my own way, I want to ask anyone out there that may read this to take a moment of silence for a fallen friend. Pray for her family and friends. Pray for help for those suffering like she did. Don't just pray. HELP others who are suffering from depression/bi-polar/etc.
Although we were never close, you will be missed Kari!
Posted by Heather~Marie at 9:41 PM 0 comments
Friday, September 2, 2011
Responding to Myself
I know it's Miley Cyrus and she's definitely not my favorite artist, but I love this song.
Posted by Heather~Marie at 4:50 PM 0 comments
Happily Ever After?
I just happened upon an email that was advertising for a new book by Elder Dieter F. Uctdorf. The title of that book is "Your Happily Ever After."
I couldn't've come upon this email at a better (or rather, worse) time.
Everyone around me seems to be getting their 'happily ever afters.' Most of my friends are either engaged, married or moving on with successful careers now. Everyone knows what they want, and they're getting it.
I can't help but wonder...what about me?!
This past Tuesday I only worked for 2 hours. The rest of the day was spent working on a puzzle and watching stuff on netflix. Most of my good friends aren't around anymore. I don't have a boyfriend. My family is far enough away I don't spend any time with them anymore (not that that's a bad thing sometimes...I can only handle my parents for so long...something I'm sure they reciprocate). To say that I'm feeling a little lonely right now is a bit of an understatement.
I've gone to school. I've traveled quite a bit. I've been blessed with many wonderful experiences in my life. But, I still can't help but feel that EVERYTHING in my life right now has fallen short. Fallen short of what you might ask? Many of my dreams/goals in life have never fully been reached. The 2 things I grew up wanting to see in the world were the Twin Towers and the Great Wall of China. I got to go to New York, but that was more than half a decade after the attack. We got to see the site where the towers were, but as I stood inside another building, looking out across the road to where the tragedy occurred, I couldn't help but curse those who ruined one of my dreams. Obviously that desire will never come to fruition. I went to China. The group I was with didn't go see the Great Wall. We saw many other wonderful things, but I highly doubt I will ever have the opportunity to go to China again. I even got to play a short solo with the WSU Wind Ensemble in a concert at Carnegie Hall. This was never really a dream of mine (it's a dream of many others and has been sort of a dream in the sense that it's what I thought others would want of me), but even that fell short when my left hand stopped working and I botched the last part of the solo during the performance. I wanted to go on a mission. I had papers filled out and ready to hand in...then my body reacted poorly to the stress and I got sick. I never went. .......
I don't know if I'm making this point as big as I wanted to. But, I just had to get it off my chest. I know life is never what you expect it to be. But, there has to be some sort of...whatever.
I've even seriously contemplated getting a better job and moving out of Ogden (possibly Utah). EVERY job I have applied to since last year has been a failure (the jobs I have now I NEVER applied to. They were offered to me by friends). No interviews, no offers. I've been working at 5 Buck Pizza for over a year now (I work at a STUPID PIZZA PLACE. HOW FULFILLING IS THAT?!). I took 7 years to finish my degree as a clarinet performance major and STILL don't have a diploma to show for it because I still owe the University money (not to mention my less than enthusiastic desire to ever play my clarinet again). My life is stuck in a HUGE rut. Everything thus far has been almost a dream come true, but always falls short long before it could ever fully come true. For those that say "Happily Ever After," to you I say...HOW? What am I doing wrong? How do I change this?
Posted by Heather~Marie at 4:32 PM 0 comments