Irritable Syndrome

I'm kind of in an onery mood right now, so know that you've been warned. (Mika is 7676....just uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu\\\\\\\\\\\\
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'''''''''.....that was my cat....Mika is now an official blogger...:) anyways....I was going to say that she was sitting next to the computer watching the words on the screen. It was kind of cute. Anywho...

So, as some may know, I have IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). It was discovered when I was trying to go on a mission. I've always had problems with my stomach, but never thought much of it...other than the fact that our family is very...intestinally challenged. Anyways. It got so bad that I was on the verge of throwing up every morning. My papers were ready to turn in (minus the meeting with the stake president). I was so ready to just wait for that white envelope. But, I couldn't let the nausea control my life anymore. My day at work would consist of walking in, holding back the heaves, get a sprite and wait until about 2 before I could get myself to eat anything. I went to the doctor and described my problems. He started asking me some other non-related questions like..."Have you done anything fun in the past few months? Are you happy with your life right now? " and such other questions that would make one cry if they were to answer no, which I did. He told me that my stomach irritability was realated to low seretonin levels. At first it made sense. I went on anti-depressants and anti-acids. They helped for the first months of my treatment. When I first went on those meds, he told me that it would be at least 3 months before I would be allowed to go on a mission. Since I was so desperately missing my life in Ogden and quickly losing my faith in everything, I went back to school. My stomach problems cooled down for a bit. School was hard. It had been difficult before, but this was a whole new level of a nightmare. I was still feeling the nausea on a weekly, sometimes daily basis. I was struggling with my classes and my playing. It was tough, but it felt so good to be back in school. I felt happy (or so I thought...when you feel as crappy as I did for that long, just a smile from a friend makes your whole week go better). I stayed in Ogden for the summer and worked at (you guessed it) Subway. I walked to work everyday and then walked to campus to go practice for 3-4 hours. Then I would walk back home and study since I was taking a couple of classes. The nausea came back with a vengence at times, but I survived. Fall semester started amidst a hellish summer ending. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. Needless to say, my nerves were shot and my stomach problems got worse. At one point during the semester my band director complimented me on losing weight. Funny thing was, I had not been trying to lose weight. I just couldn't eat anything without wanting to throw up. It was terrible. I wanted to be glad that I had lost weight, but I knew that it wasn't because of good changes in my lifestyle or anything. Somehow, the spring semester turned out better. I'm pretty sure the only reason I didn't have as many problems was because I was being watched over. I had my senior recital, a huge concert in Reno, and many other crazy things going on in my life. If my stomach had been bothering during that time, I don't think I could've made it. I really don't. When the last couple weeks of school came around, my stomach problems came back. I started feeling this terrible stabbing pain in my upper abdomen. I went to the campus doctor and he gave me some super strong anti-acids and said that it was probably an ulcer. Joy. Just what I needed. I took the presciption for a week. There was a coupon offer on it, so the week-long supply only cost about $10. When I found out how much the full prescription would cost ($175 for a month), I kind of laughed and said...yeah right. The week-long trial turned out to be very helpful. I really wish that I could afford that medicine. But, c'est la vie. Anyways. The summer has gone by with it's ups and downs. But lately, the downs have been more frequent and definately worse. I'm trying the activia stuff, but it's not too helpful right now. I'm about to lose it. It's really annoying when you can't even work becuase your stomach is so upset. So, in a sense, the name of the problem, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, has a sort of double meaning. It really is irritating. So, SO irritating. I need to get health insurance so I can actually go to a doctor...a gastrointerologist even...for help. I can't take it anymore. Seriously.
Oh...and the worst of it is...I'm trying to eat better foods. But, apparently that is making things worse. Junk food doesn't upset my tummy nearly as much as oh...say...a bowl of edemame or a handful of nuts. Grr....

Anyways...that's just one irritation in my life right now. I'm not sure I want to go into anymore. Although, the previous blog is definately one example.

I can't wait to move back to Ogden. I just have to say that I'm ready to leave here, once and for all. The people bother me and I hate my job. Ah...I said it. I hate my job. I wish I could just sleep in tomorrow, recover from my latest stomach issue, do my laundry and clean up my room. (I need to start getting ready to move back...oish!) Wow...this is not such a cool blog. Sorry. :) Oh well. It feels good to get it out of my system a bit. Not like it will solve my problems, but it sure released some of the stress I'm feeling. Oh, and by the way...I feel like I want to mention that I am no longer on any meds for any of the above problems. I have come to the conclusion that some problems can be helped by spiritual and physical means, not chemical. There are some times when medicines are the only way to go, but I think that our bodies are already too full of cheimcals and such. My depression and anxiety have definately calmed down since I started being more active and actually reading my scriptures more often ;). It's amazing. :)