Sirens and Practicing

Today after we (Subway) closed, as I was cleaning up the place trying to get out I heard a siren go off. This siren has been going off a lot lately. It sounds like a bomb siren or something. The first time I heard it (on Saturday I think) I just assumed that it was the town warning system malfunctioning. If that is the case, it has been malfunctioning a lot lately. It's getting annoying to be honest. While I was at work trying to clean up and heard it go off again, it really creeped me out. Our Subway our here is in our local bowling alley. The building itself is not huge, but it is relatively large (there's about 14 lanes or so...maybe less, maybe more..I'm not sure). So, with all of the main lights off, the cloudy and windy weather outside and my supervisor counting down the register, it just really gave me the creeps. I felt like I was in some sci-fi movie or something. The siren had this erie tone about it. Oh well...I don't think anything will come of it. I HOPE nothing comes of it :)

In other things in my life, I have re-discovered an old friend. I got to know this friend well last summer. This friend challenged me in ways I've never been challenged before. I had many battles and victories with this friend. When school got out this last semester, I began to neglect it. I didn't think I would miss it that much, but these last few days have proven to me that my bond to this friend is strong and I should never take it for granted.

Too bad this friend isn't a guy...huh? :) That would be cool. If that were the truth, I should be married to it though. I pay it too much lip service to not be. Oh man...this is getting weird.

My friend that I am referring to is my clarinet. I haven't practiced it at all this summer. I played it a little bit for a few performances the week after school got out, but have only gotten it out once since then. Last week I finally ordered some new reeds and decided to start playing again. I could barely play for a half hour yesterday before my lips gave out completely. Today I got closer to 45 minutes. I wanted to keep playing, but I could barely play a few measures before losing control. (and, I had to eat lunch before going back to work) Last summer I spent hours a day practicing, preparing for my senior recital. I had music that I loved and I was anxious to learn the music so I could perform it for my friends and family. Right now I don't have much to work on. I'm done with recitals and I don't have any band music as of right now. So, it's back to the basics. Scales, arppeggios, and etudes. I played through a couple of etudes today and realized just how much I miss performing. When I play, the music takes over and I become engrossed in playing what I feel. Feeling the vibrations of the reed in my mouth and face and fingers, hearing the beautiful tones of the clarinet, and knowing that I was creating music was just a wonderful feeling. My friends, I never want to stop playing. It hurts me physically sometimes, but it is so worth the pain. Sometimes I can't even move my hand after playing, and talking can become difficult, but I'm better at communicating through music anyways. :) I think I finally have a dream in life. I want to play in a professional recording orchestra. I want to be heard on a movie soundtrack. Even if it's just one time. I don't know if this will ever happen. But, I sure as heck want to try to make it happen! When I practice I fight some of my worst demons. Today the thoughts of quitting were extremely strong in my mind, but I just kept playing. Ah...it felt SO good! It may not have been the prettiest sound sometimes, but I didn't give up. Some fight their demons while running, dancing or whatever. I fight mine by playing. I'm sure any musician can understand what I'm talking about here. I can't wait to get back to school to work on playing more music. Etudes can only go so far :) (now all I need is a new clarinet...ha ha ha... I really want a new one before we go to New York in April...*sigh*, I have a good clarinet, but it has many flaws in it and there are some amazing new models out there that totally blow away mine) (I could totally go nerdy right now on the clarinets I want to try out...but since they cost over $5000....I won't waste your or my time on it :)) Well...I think that's all for now.

Tomorrow is my last day of driving up to Ogden for my job at the dance studio for awhile. Summer classes end tomorrow. I'm actually kind of nervous, since the children will be performing for their parents tomorrow...and I'm the music. Last time they used a cd. This time they get live, improvised music. I've still got a LONG ways to go before I feel comfortable improvising in front of people. Last week was amazing. They started doing their warm ups and I just tried to play to their movements. All of a sudden, melodies and such started flowing from my hands. It was one of the coolest experiences in my life! I don't know how it happened, but it did. I sure hope I can do it again tomorrow. I want those children to have the best music possible to dance to. Oi. I better not psych myself out of anything. Ah. I need to stop. Goodnight ya'll! :) (Achoo!....stupid allergies!)