Overwhelmed

Last week was nothing short of crazy. Monday I got a call from my boss at a job I had last year. She had called me at the beginning of the summer about coming back, but I didn't have an answer for her. As the summer passed I forgot to call back. (not that I knew what to do anyways) Then, Monday she called and asked if I would be interested in working a few hours a week. Since my financial situation is not good right now I have been praying for help. I saw this job offer as an answer to my prayers, so I agreed to it instantly. It's not my favorite job in the world, but it is so much better than making sandwiches that I can't even begin to express my gratitude for the offer. Then, on Wednesday (?) I got a text from a friend. This text said something to the effect of-would you like to room with me and 2 other girls (that I know)? Rent is about $260/month and she listed the address. I was at work at the time and got a little distracted by this text. I got the info but had just about an hour to make my decision. To be honest, I'm not sure how I felt about it. But, the cheap rent, location and fact that I would already know who I was rooming with pretty much made up my mind for me. I got ahold of my mother and she agreed that it would be a good idea. Monday I went in for my first day at my newly assigned job. Considering I had never been fully trained for this job in the previous year, I had my share of "of crap....what am I doing?!'s" But, things went well. My job involves working with children. I don't have very much experience working with children. To be honest, they scare me sometimes. I don't know how to talk to them, and I don't know what to expect from them. I suppose that in most cases you just judge those things based on each child as you interact with them. But, it makes me so uncomfortable sometimes. After I finished on Tuesday I ended up talking to a friend of mine that is going into the same field as I am (education). I know he was joking, but at the same time, I'm sure he was very serious. I had told him how there were a couple of kids I just had no idea what to do about, he looked at me and said something like-are you sure you want to teach? He only echoed the question that has been going through my mind since I decided to go into that field. Last week I even got to the point of looking at pretty much any other field I might be interested in. I am so interested in so many other things that I 'could no sooner pick a star in the heavens.' But, everytime I think about choosing something else I feel blocked...I feel that stupor of thought. It frustrates me so much somtimes. I want to go into science, but I feel like education is where I need to be. I haven't figured this out yet to be honest. I'm trying to be patient, but failing miserably. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. I would love to have a job where I don't have to talk to anyone...yay social anxiety! Anyways. So, I'm feeling very anxious, unsure and overwhelmed by everything right now. I'm not sure about this new place that I'll be living in. I've lived in campus housing every year I've gone to school. I'm used to it. I may even be a bit spoiled by it. Free internet, cable and telephone (not that I use the phone at all). Then there's the bus that runs through the parking lot. And, as much as I hate it sometimes, I love getting to meet and make new friends every year. I get annoyed by being the oldest one in the apartment sometimes, but some of my best friends have come from my roommates in those apartments. Then there's the girls I'm going to be rooming with this year. Theyare my friends, but I'm not sure what it's going to be like living with them. One person has a tendency to be very negative and I tend to be negative around her as well. I don't enjoy it. I almost feel a sense of terror at the thought of living at this place. It's a great place and it's cheap and convenient, but I just don't feel good about it. I want to live on campus. As much as I have wanted to get away from it, I don't want to leave it. It has been my home for the past 5 years. I don't want to leave. I can't believe I'm saying this. :) But, at the moment, I have to stay there. The contract is signed and the other girls are depending on me to keep my part of the deal so that they also benefit from the cheap rent. I want out, but it's too late. Oi...it's too early in the school year to be feeling this stressed out. Anyways. This upcoming year seems to have so much uncertainty about it. I don't like it. :) (who does?)
The USA just won the gold medal in beach volleyball. I love volleyball. This makes me happy :)
I had olympic dreams...*sigh*...:)
Anyways...I think I need to publish this while I still have an internet connection. So, that's all for now I suppose. School starts in less than a week...I thought I was excited, I don't know anymore. Ahhh!